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Women: Dealing with break-ups

19 May 2015, 16:11 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - Bitterness is one of the worst torches anyone can be carrying around with them. I have noticed a lot of the people around me are carrying bitterness with them with regards to the relationships they have been in.

And by people I mean women, I do not see men walking around telling people how they have sworn off women because some woman did him wrong a long time ago. They do swear off women but most of the time it is usually a tirade at the local joint where they will pick up another woman whom they will go home with. They just learn from that past mistake and move on.

A woman on the other hand is a different ball game and it is usually done in stages. In the initial stages, she starves herself and is constantly found mourning and weeping. She will try her best to include every association she has in the process. Which involves a lot of messed up blouses with someone’s make up, mascara and tears. You will also have to agree how every man on earth in a beast including your partner. This is where you make up some story to make them also look evil. At this point you are hoping that she is done and tomorrow she will be sane. Not so though, she will call you in the morning and weep about that restaurant they used to go to that she has just passed. At this point it is becoming awkward. Give her month, she will be done with this weepy stage.

Now the second stage is when all the men around her are made to pay for the sins of the former beau that is if they have broken up. The worst thing a man can do for himself is to think that by being there they can help mend a wound until the right time. You cannot fix something that someone does not want to be fixed. If all you are ever talking about in you interactions with that woman is how some fellow did her in, pack your bags son, get the next bus. A woman is the only person that can decide when she wants to let things go. You cannot decide that for her.

The last stage is mostly reserved for the married women and the sworn spinsters. They will always have that regret because of that one person and it will always be there. They never move on from it because they think they could have done much better that the clown they are currently with or the one they last left.

When you reach a certain age, I am talking 40 and above, you are never allowed to have regrets and be bitter about anything in my opinion. It’s a life already lived, you can never go back. The best thing you can do is just look for the positives that you can find because, forty years is a long time, and it cannot lack even one good thing. A married woman, sitting down and thinking if only I had not done this and that, is brewing bitterness. At times that is when you see your mother give your father a very dirty look and you are just wondering what has just happened because no one even spoke. Or it is that aunt, out of nowhere, she starts the shouting match. The man on the other hand has that bedazzled look on his face because he has no idea where it is coming from. That is what regret and bitterness does. You are forty and you are busy wondering what if I had just waited a few more months, maybe I could have gotten someone better. But because everyone was getting pregnant you just rushed into it. Now look!

The married ones cannot be helped but what about the young ladies that are now afraid because of some Tom that fouled them. I have a friend, very bitter at the moment. I hate it when you ask me for advice, I give it to you but you keep going back to your backward way of thinking. She is mad because her boyfriend does not treat her the way she wants, now they are on the verge of break up and she has been put on the sidelines by the friends. This is why I tell women, being in a relationship does not mean you do not have a life of your own. His friends became her friends and she forgot about her former friends and completely lost touch with them. Now that they are broken up, she is bitter, not because she is losing the man (maybe to some extent) but because she no longer has any social circle to speak off. 

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