Women: Are you the side chick or the main dish?
05 September 2014, 18:41
Nairobi - ‘How can he marry another woman six months after breaking up
with me…’ there is a girl out there saying those words right now as I write, as
you read and as long as this article is out there.
When a man marries six months after dating you, it is not
because he met her after breaking up with you, but he was test driving both of
you at the same time. (A moment of silence before I continue…) At one time
both, or all (at times there are more than just two) of you were on the
co-driver’s seat and kept changing for the backseat until at one point, one of
you called shot-gun before the rest of you were any wiser.
I have no idea who
came up with the idea that men are dumb because in my experience, they can be
devious and down right manipulative when they choose to be. Having more than
one partner is an art of multi- tasking that men have managed to perfect while
we are left multi-tasking between their laundry, kitchen and facets of
perfecting their lives. Lying to ourselves how we are the ones he is going to
end up with, giving him husband benefits, yet this man is not too invested with
I have a friend, we will call him Dave*, and so while at the
gym, he talks about this girl, so I ask, is she your girlfriend? He tells me they just do stuff she is not a girlfriend but he considers her his side
chick while he looks for his main chick. So I ask him, why not just make her
your girl if you do not have one at the moment. Dave says, she is not up to par
with the standards he has set out for his to-be main chick. I tell him to set
her aside then so that he does not waste her time and he just shrugs his shoulders. I then
tell him that maybe, he is also a side-man, but that made him all to happy,
and what he said was, it made things easier for him when the time came to move on.
Read also: 'The Kenyan woman always stays in an abusive relationship'
Lesson to be learnt
here not just by me, but for all women is that while you are out there spending 3-8
years with one man thinking you are his all, giving him your 100%, he has a
BODMAS where he works out all his woman problems out from. There is the one who
gets 20%, 5%, 93%, 0.1% but rarely 100%. At this point you have to ask yourself
if you are or were the one getting 0.1% of him and when I say men know how to
be devious and manipulative, I mean when he is giving you that 2% you feel like
the luckiest woman in the world, now ask yourself how much the 93% girl is
getting. Then there is the percentage that is always left off for when he will
meet the one. He is out there looking for something better than you, yet here
you are overlooking all his flaws, telling yourself that no one is perfect.Then
if no one is, do yourself a favor and also aspire for better.
Mutoko’s words, “Never settle for okay as you just become average". Relationships
are exhausting work, especially for women. You go into it preparing to work hard
to make it work, then you spend most parts just doing that. Then when it ends
you are left crying and mentally draining yourself and the guy is out there,
onto the next one. Investing yourself totally in someone you are not sure of
always haunts you and the worst part is, you decide to settle, then you get
children involved and eventually you are all bitter. A friend of my mother’s is
always complaining about her husband. He cheats, he is a spendthrift, rarely if
ever takes care of his family…Thing is, she knew all this before settling, so
she has no one to blame but herself.
You take a risk when you tell yourself that you will change
this man, if you are up for the challenge and you are sure about him then hell,
fight for him and take that 93%. Because
that is how it works, men are rarely sure and they forget as well as change
their minds as fast as we do. So change his mind and make him think you are
worth the 100%. BUT… if you are not sure, give as much as you are getting, that
is my motto. Keep your options open
because you can be sure, he just requires a pass from anyone who comes or passes
by. We have made it that easy, our rugby tournaments attest to that. He was at
Masaku and picked two, at Migaa, he only needed one, not many and at the
Safaricom 7s you can be sure he will get away with at least three. You will be
at home cutting Sukuma wiki and making stew for him to come and eat with that
mouth he will be kissing all those women with.
Read also: Forget the reports, Kenyans are beautiful people
My advice, think
Steve Harvey, be like a man, know your limits and how far you are willing to go
to get what you aspire to because when he is telling you to think like a man,
it is not how you can cover up that spending spree at the Junction, but who he
is taking to the Tribe while he takes you to some snack bar for coffee and you
are on cloud nine after that.
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