Why your net date backfired
01 September 2015, 10:13
Social media has given birth to a global village, enabling interaction between people from around the world. This platform has also given rise to distant relationships with a few happy endings. Remarkable is how those who get lucky enough to land good partners maintain a high profile and interest from each other. If you are wondering why you never succeeded in keeping that hot guy from Seattle for long, you could be making these mistakes:
You constantly netspeak and use bad grammar - a huge turn-off! If a guy approaches me today and the first four words in his introduction note contain Ssup, ur, u, pls, and so on, I’m quickly compelled to cut him off. All these, amongst a myriad of other slang words make a wrong first impression. It is important to be a little literate, especially when you are in the initial stages of knowing each other. Of course, there are exceptions to the “no netspeak” rule. Humor expressions like Haha and Lol drain the anxiety.
You always use the usual boring salutation! Hello and Hi are the most overused. The way you start your conversation is the first impression you make and boy, it needs to be quite catchy, warm and amusing. Many dating profiles have rated greetings like 'How is it going' and 'What’s up' as the most appealing ways of starting a conversation. On the contrary, 'Hi', 'Hey' and 'Hello' were a real turn off and didn't quite have the same ring to it.
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You are too verbose. If you keep rambling about you, your achievements, interests, and aspirations, you are most likely to turn potential partners off. The simple rule here is to keep the conversation balanced. Find a way of raising interesting general topics that both of you can talk about; music bands, movies or even physics. Try to engage the other person by talking about their interests. This calls for a prior read-through of their profiles. Using phrases like 'I noticed', 'you mentioned', 'I’m curious', and the like show that you are keen and thus interested.
Finally, avoid the real party-killer trait; being over-confident. Though standard advice dictates that you ooze confidence, it’s crucial to keep it in check. The key rule here is to be self-effacing. Guys are mostly advised to use words as 'I apologize', 'sorry', 'probably', 'awkward', or 'kind of' to express some sensitive issues. The use of these words depicts a care not to hurt the other person and hence are very effective.
The rules above are just a drop in the ocean of the whole package, but I hope you learn what to and not to say in your introductory and initial messages. Personally, I wish that we as a society could find a way to expect nothing and be free, both in how we receive others and in our personal expression. But the world expects us to be hyper-aggressive and cautious in particular domains, interactions with others as of chief importance.
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