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Why would she refuse your proposal?

20 August 2015, 14:16 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - Yes, we can!

You are dating a woman for a while or have been in a relationship with her for a while. You are sure she is the one. Now you are ready to hang the noose around your neck that you have always been evading with all of your other delicacies.

BUT. Is she sure YOU are the one?

There is a common adage. No, it is not that. There is a common theory that all women are immune to the word no, especially when it comes to marriage. That we are so thirsty for it. That all we think about our ENTIRE lives is to plan our wedding, have babies, build a loving home and have a happily ever after.

Not so true. In fact in the past few decades we have been evolving just like you men have been evolving. Worst part for you is, ours has been happening more in our brain department, especially when it comes to surviving your ‘manly’ ways.

She can say no, to your proposal and no, it is not because she wanted to waste your time. Or hers for that matter. There just comes a moment in time that you already knew something was off and you hold off on making the decision because you are not yet pressed against the wall. You are just comfortable with just being. Looks and sounds bad but it is the truth. So when you propose, it is either a nugatory or a positive answer and from there you will know if the both of you were on the same path. If she hesitates but asks for a long engagement; you are in for a shock after long months of planning. You know what an instant yes means of course.

We can say no because just like you, who is vetting us for a position as your wife we are also looking at your qualities as a husband. You are thinking that moving in together is solely your decision and it gives you a better knowledge and understanding of her. It does the same for her. She is also watching you just like you are watching her. For me, and I would hope for most of the wise women, when we are making a life changing decision that concerns us, we want to make a well-researched decision. Because no one wants to wake up ten years later and have regrets. It is better to make such a decision like a scientist.

Yes, we are emotional but that also makes us very cut throat when we use those emotions for our benefit? Let me tell you as a woman, I like those feelings and emotions because for every red flag that you hand me, they will help me decide. Did I almost become crazy when you made an abusive or derogatory comment or did I just roll my eyes at the back of my head? For every jealous and possessive situation that you act out, I will remember it and I will wonder if I want to deal with that every day of my life. Do you care or understand me, not as a woman but as me or are you here trying to tell me how to clean a house? Can you make room and help me progress career wise or do you just want me in some kitchen.

Many things go through a woman’s head while we are in a relationship with you where everybody including us thinks it is ‘going somewhere’. For some of us though, it is not just about the ring and the ceremony because we remember there is the aftermath that we have to deal with after all the highs and congratulations fade.  If you have all the drama and no husband, friend or partner qualities that I need, then I will most definitely say no to that ring. Although if it has some carats in it, I will just put it on for a while to know how heavy such a diamond feels and how good my hand makes it look.

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