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Why women should not take alcohol

25 May 2015, 13:54 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - Yes, whiskey is right up there for me, beating wine and vodka in that race. Beer is not in that mix and no, I am not a man but a woman!

As a woman, I will tell you the only time I will drink comfortably is when I am with other people. Even then, you are still counting the sips per hour so that you are not that drunkard girl in the group.

When I drink in the house (happens more often than with other people) I do not enjoy it because I start asking myself those HARD questions. You should know the drink is still in the hand though.

Alcohol is that enjoyable hobby that can have disastrous implications if not done properly. But what is proper? And the women are still losing in that race too.

Let me tell you, you do not want to look like the alcoholic. When a man goes into a wines and spirits and buys liquor for the weekend to drink at home. Admiration is what follows his behind. He has not gone to the club/ bar to waste a lot of money. He has gone home to enjoy his part time activity with his family, thus not being absentee. He has gone to drink at home where the girlfriend can hen peck him to her content. The list is endless.

Now swing to the woman who just walked into the neighborhood local. You are a drunk. A non-wife material- you will misplace the baby in your drunken stupor or burn the supper. You are wasting money on such inconsequential things. You setting a bad example- I do not know why men are never asked to set examples when it comes to their fun past times but it’s a requirement for women. This list is even longer than the men’s.

When you are sipping that liquor in the house and you make it halfway to that bottle and you are a woman, you start looking at both your father’s and mother’s family tree. Then you start picking out the drunks wondering where you got it from, and whom you pick after so that you know what measures to put in place. That is the truth, I doubt that is what is going on through a man’s head when he is enjoying those drinks other than where the urinal is. You look for that uncle in the village who sleeps in a mtaro somewhere. Or the one who wakes up in sites unknown to anyone. He is the one you see after a month after reporting him missing. More like missing in his favorite den. Or that aunt who might be running the village chang’aa and or busaa den.

Sadly, I do not think my mother would like if I educated her in this one, but her side of the family wins that race. Starting from good old, and dead grandpa. It was with some alcohol too-they got him good! Her brothers beat my father’s brothers in that race too. She likes to think we got it from the man of the house but I am inclined to think it is more form her side- but dare you oppose her thinking.

What measures am I talking about? Finding better past times that do not need alcohol in hand. Making sure you pockets and M-Pesa do not have enough money to go to the wines and spirits.Enacting a series of events that will kill the walk that takes you into that liquor store; for example, how Queen Elizabeth will not appreciate your unladylike behavior. Or maybe that future husband you want seeing you enter that place.

Liquor can also make you infertile, actually it reduces chances of conceiving. When you are quarter way through that bottle, you give yourself a pat on the back since you are indirectly using liquor as a contraceptive. Your boyfriend should be proud other than frowning at you over that bottle.

But then, the hard question starts coming. What if, you have made yourself infertile with all that constant drinking? Every time, you take another shot, you just imagine how your eggs have shriveled up. We are not like men who produce sperm. We are born with ours and in the lifetime we live, we keep shedding them. By the time you are done with puberty the two million eggs you are born with are now five hundred thousand. So what is going on in my head when I tip back Jameson and my face does not cringe (we can also argue that it is pretty smooth), I am imagining my eggs have just cringed and I am one step closer to infertility. Not a pretty thought when you are planning to have a family.

The worst is the money you spend. Men do not have make-up and weave or beauty products to buy. You do, and in your list you have just added liquor to it. If you have a boyfriend and he buys, good for you! But those who do not let me tell you the guilt and promises that you wake up lying to yourself, ‘Oh, why and I could have gotten a new pair of shoes, or that skirt, or added to my savings. Now I bought liquor and it’s just an empty bottle that I have to show for it. From now on, no alcohol.’ Until you are out of the house, it is evening and your boss gave you crap, you are not going to the bar (ladies do not go to bars) and what wins? I’ll tell you- the liquor store!

Then weekend comes and you are called out again and the cycle continues.

So when you see a woman take it easy on alcohol, we are just trying to make sure we do not end up in a ditch like some uncle we have in the village. If you get to be my husband, you might meet him if he does not disappear for good one of these fine days.

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