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Why women choose to be second wives

10 March 2015, 17:24 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - I was having a discussion with my thoughts the other day, okay just this past weekend, and it was on polygamy in Kenya.

As a woman, and also as a fact, I know that we like to joke about it, and joke about the people who are doing it. Also the scorned first wives who are discreetly pushed aside as the new model, the second wife takes up the prominent role. What made my thoughts go along that direction, was because I was trolling a couple of high profile male public figures. I was just reading news really but as a sex and relationship writer I had to notice the fact that majority of them were not wearing any wedding rings. Are they not married? Of course they are but I figured that in case, they found the second/ third wife, they can wear a ring again.

That is what made sense to me at the moment because I do not see these Kenyan men with more than one wife wear three or four rings on their ring finger. Furthermore, it means that ever since it was legalized, a man in Kenya has the RIGHT to marry as many women as he wants as long as he can support them. So technically, men here do not have mpango wa kandos, what they are doing is just regular courting so that in case he finds her to be his second lifelong partner he can marry her too.

I know, I have just ruffled the feathersof a few/ a lot of women with that statement but it just had to come out. If you look at it in technical dating terms, before he marries the second wife, how else do you think they court? He courts her as the woman you prefer calling the mpango wa kando.I will not mention names, but just think of all those politicians/businessmen/public figures that you know about who have wives, not wife but wives. First there was a scandal, then they made it official, then the first wife went into obscurity and the scandalous mpango wa kando was now the wife. If that does not put it into perspective for you then I do not know how else to put it for you.


Then I had to step back and think of the women too, the supposed side chick. Long ago, the man had to hide that he was married, this days it is the opening line that makes man 100% attractive. It shows, he is stable, he is mature and knows what life is about what more could the woman want?


If you are the mpango wa kando, I now have the perfect line that you can give anyone that says you are dating a married Kenyan man. Just tell them you are the girlfriend and to explain, just say he is allowed to marry as many women as he wants, so you are both figuring out if you want to be the second wife. You can carry around the constitution with that highlighted area as well.


What I am leading up to as a woman that is yet to be married, as a Kenyan woman, you should prepare yourself to have to share your husband. Long ago, it was tradition, now, it is part of the law. How do you beat law, unless you make your husband sign some document saying that he will not marry again. Knowing Kenyan men, that is like dragging a bull to a slaughter house; he will not sign such a document.


Something else that I have noticed, older men are now more inclined to approach the young woman that he wants. I have seen a lot of older men ogling at a young woman;It is now law that he can have her as long as he can provide for her. Nothing gets a Kenyan woman to dance to your tune better than the word PROVIDE.


So if you are a young lady being courted by a married man, you are simply a girlfriend who may soon be a second/third wife. So go for it. Just know that when you marry your young man, he will also reach a time when he wants to date a younger you when you are past the expiry date. It is not karma, just laws in Kenya.

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