Why relationships are like bank loans
14 September 2015, 17:08
Nairobi - My view of commitment may be flawed but it works for me.
Does yours work for you? Are you ready for it or are you just wasting your
I look at commitment like the way I would view a bank loan
or a mortgage. Can I afford to take out that loan and finance it? Can I afford
to commit to someone and a relationship? Not it terms of money, but it plays a
part, but in terms of actions. Am I ready to take time out of some of what I am
doing now so that I can build a healthy relationship because they will need my
time? Am I ready to put in the work or not? Am I going to default or will I be
making all the expected demands or pressure that will come up? If you look at
commitment that way, you will make out healthier decisions as compared to the
ones you make when you feel a certain high that confuses you.
How we choose to commit to our partners varies from men to
women and from woman to woman.
Women choose to commit because they want that love,
affection, attention, safety, security, they are running out of time to settle
and make babies or they just want someone they can call their own. The last bit
is the reason we make stupid decisions but you already knew that.
Men on the other hand have a higher chance of committing to
you when they see you are self-assured, independent women who respects and
accepts him as he is. No changing, they do not like being told what to do even
if they are walking into a pole. They would much rather walk into it than feel
your ‘controlling’ tendencies. For
him, he wants to commit when he feels that he has won you like a trophy as
compared to you having forced him into it.
For both parties, what is common are the actions of the
other partner. A woman wants to commit to someone she sees is treating her
nicely, listening and talking to her, knows how to respect her but because of
the high that some of us get when we are with someone we forget to screen them
for that and regret later. We get off on the high so easily the guy gets away
with anything while you are blindsided. Are they worth your commitment once you
get off the high? That is what you should ask yourself. Are they worth all the
credit you are giving and are willing to give them. Because the way I see it at
times you just don’t need to put yourself through that headache of chasing
someone who is busy not doing their part of the bargain.
At times it is just easier to really look at what you are
getting out of an association before you start dreaming up all kinds of
scenarios. More action, less talk! Just like every other transaction, look at
what they are doing and not what you are hoping for; then make your decision
from there. Promises do not count either, banks don’t tell you we promise and
you do not promise to pay. They get collateral and they give you the money. It
is a win-win and whoever does not fulfill their part of the bargain is cut off.
You should try it some time. Harsh, but brings you results. Learn to teach your
partner how you want to be treated because often times they treat you how they
feel and how they want. That is why commitment ends up feeling dissatisfactory
because you are not getting what you want and/ or need.
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