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Why men run away from women

20 April 2015, 15:22 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi -  There is something that has been bugging me at the back of my mind for a period and am yet to put the answer to that particular question.

If a man is dating or married to particular someone form a particular family does it mean that he now carries the whole stable with him?

By stable I mean, all the woman’s relations. The sisters, aunties, uncles, cousins, second cousins, cousins from another tribe. You name it, if you are with her, they all think you are indebted to them.

I have such an aunt and she never missed a mark every time a certain former boyfriend was around, she made demands as if she was the one dating him leave alone birthing me. She wanted shopping to be brought at every visit, and it had better not be less than the amount she stated. She turned her nose at it but still would take it. The phone calls that were about the rent she did not have, or dinner that was not there or someone’s fees. It was like the man was her incognito husband. Lucky for him, I know how to screen certain types of conversation from my brain. There just has to be boundaries even when family is involved.

It is good if a man has means and offers to help out but that does not mean it is his load to carry just because he came across your daughter. If you all drain him then what will he be left with to actually built something with her.

Some men are forced to put up with this because their girlfriends or wives will not speak out because they are afraid of being ostracized from the weekly family chama. You will not have a chama to go to if your family keeps draining your accounts.

 A friend of mine has a cousin who knows how to test your mettle. Her and her sisters are married, but now the cousin thinks that it is within her right to ask for the cousins’ husband’s to take care of her. We all know it is not going to be a loan but a written off handout. Her upkeep, rent and child support. It is the men who should take care of it because to her they have the ‘means’.

They do not want to say no to her so when she needs something, she asks them and they run to tell their men. It is like enabling an addict.

There is nothing wrong with a man taking care of his direct in-laws. I am talking about the mother and father to the wife because even with her siblings lines should be drawn. Telling him to help your sister pay for her children’s fees is a no-no. If it is a stuck situation and he offers to do so, that is a different ball game. As compared to him sitting down, checking his children’s fees at the same time checking off what he should pay for your sisters’ and brothers’ children.

These are some of the things that actually put a strain in a lot of relationships and marriages and no one wants to speak out. The husband does not caution the wife because he does not want to look like an insensitive person. It puts a strain on their finances but everyone keeps mum.

The woman does not want to speak to her relatives out of fear of being the lone wolf or black sheep of the family.

The first time you give in to your relatives’ demands is all it takes for them to rain on you and think that it is their right. It is not. You need to know how to put a filter in the relationships you have with your relations.

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Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

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