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Why get married?

25 March 2015, 14:01 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - Men marry their women hoping that they will not change, while the women marry their men hoping that they will change. In both cases everyone’s expectations are not meant.

The man hopes that the woman will maintain her sleek lines and figurine’s shape. If she goes to the gym he hopes that after they are married she will maintain the standards (keep them so to speak). She will act as sweet as she is acting at the moment or while she is trying to nab him. Most of the time the men rarely have seen their women’s true characters. She will not nag him and ask questions that he does not deem necessary. Basically he is hoping that she is who she portrays to be while they are courting.

The woman on the other hand hopes that he will stop his night running. He will spend less time with his cronies as he starts to realize that the family takes center stage. He will also commit himself to obligations without her asking. She hopes that they will continue having date nights and weekend trips or vacations. He will reduce his drinking and be more church oriented. If he cooks now he will also be open to splitting household duties when they are married.If you are a wise woman you better realize that what you have now is what you are stuck with. You are not the one that will be the one to change him. If you are then you are the definition of the Second coming.

The Kenyan man would rather spit in his grave before he dedicates himself to washing utensils while you mop the floor. Or vice versa. The most he will be open to doing is putting his dishes in the sink. HIS. There will also be no date nights because most times he is trying to get away from you. His idea of relaxing does not involve you reminding him of fees or rent while he is trying to enjoy the steak you do not approve of. He also knows that you do not approve of his drinking. He is wondering why you think marriage should have change his preference of Tusker over soda water.So when you are both out, when he is quietly driving you to your destination he is trying to decide whether to just order water or soda to avoid a row or just order beer and hope it does not choke him.

The woman on the other hand is busy wondering why you no longer thinks she looks good, you never even gave her a compliment when you both left the house this evening. By the way why does she have to ask to spend time with you nowadays, yet you are the one who used to chase her up and down.  She now thinks she made a wrong choice and should have gone with Brian* who only drove a Subaru and not a Range. When she hoped that you would change, it was not entirely towards her. You no longer even surprise her with gifts. (If he buys her something she thinks he is spending money on the wrong things other than things they need in the house. So rather than have to wonder what is not at the house it was much easier not to get anything.)

Why does he not help out around the house? Right now you would even appreciate if he cooks you something like he used to. You miss the days you would get home and just eat rather than start peeling onions.Why does he have to wait for her to ask for things this days before he does them? Before marriage he used to just know this days you have to ask for months on end before it is done. You do not want to be nagging but how else should you get your pint across.

You dress the way you dress so that other men respect you as a married woman. You want people to know you are taken. Yet now you see he has a roving eye and it is not towards you. He no longer finds you sexy enough.

He used to like escorting her to paces now he would rather cut his own limbs rather than tag along anywhere. The idea of you outside and leaving him at home is his idea of an hour vacation and watching whatever he wants. Why did he not know that you enjoyed Afrosinema or that you were in a Bible study? Does getting married mean that the Bible becomes a book of choice. Is there an instruction manual that he should have gotten his hands on first?

He does not like the idea of taking a vacation with you. First of all, when the both of you are alone, you will spend the entire time talking about or talking to the children. Second, you might insist on coming with the brood, in which case it is technically not a vacation because you spend the entire time worrying who has gone where. Let us not get into the logistics of cost, how much you will all want to carry, the house help that has to come along. To him marriage changed vacation into a chore.

 At the back of the woman’s mind she is wondering where she should have left the children. Leaving them with anyone is just not an option any more, they have to be safe. You parents were not part of your family planning thus it is not their duty to be part of your roster. Why can’t he take over at times, does he not realize that you also get tired?

You have not heard a girls’ night out in ages. Do you even have girlfriends anymore? They still did what you could no longer approve of as a married woman, so you pulled back. Mama naniwho heads the bible study will most certainly not want to go out for drinks!

You also changed. You stopped caring about how you look, it first started with cancelled pedicures, then progressed to cancelled gym memberships. You now realized that money had better things to cover than how toned you should be. You also technically think, if he can get away with not going to the gym, why should you stress about it. At the back of his mind he thinks Lucy from IT’s offer is starting to get more and more attractive. He is also wondering why he never found out that your voice could be raised above 2 notes. He used to think you could not scream to save your life but your voice is giving his a race for his money.

He is also wondering why you now think his bachelor friends are no longer good enough yet they are the ones that routed for you. Why do their habits bother you now when you used to rejoice if invited to come along with the boys. He is wondering why you think he runs a social agency for married people where he should get new friends. What does the term new friends even mean?

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