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Why does he treat me badly?

25 June 2015, 16:00 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - Why you cannot expect others to treat you better when you do not do the same for you.

I have definitely come a long way when it comes to the relationships that I let into my life. Some I have no choice (_read family) but still I have learnt to deal with them as well. I have realized in any relationship; friends, relatives, family-both close and extended, colleagues and in-laws, it all has to do with tact and you knowing your limits.

Each card has its limit. One that I would afford for a family member is not the same as I would afford some random I met at some party last night. On the other hand, the card with a higher limit has more stringent expectations set on them. And how I would treat that card I expect the same higher value on it as I had placed on it. That simple.

A lot of people fail to understand that the people you have around you will afford you the same that you afford yourself. What you allow is always going to recur because of that one time that you let something pass.

The one time you gave the guy who was not your type your number, will open doors to more types like him to feel like if he can do it then they can also do it.

If that one time you allowed an abusive relationship to go unchecked, and walk away. It will not be the same person next time but you will form a habit of allowing the same kind of abusive people into your life. I am not saying that you cannot learn to make better choices for yourself. You can the point is, first, you need to learn how to walk away from the bad situation. But if you are the type that will sit, apportion the blame, create excuses and allow for the changed person that they claim to be the do not be surprised if your next catch falls in the same category.

If you allow colleagues to disrespect your work, take credit for your work and walk all over you then I am sorry to say, it is not them but you. Yes, we are all told in School that when the boss takes credit you should allow it. Yes, you should allow it but be street smart as well (you will remember that lady from Rongai jumping through windows to get a seat in the matatu. It was not unladylike but ladylike would not have gotten her home on time or prevented her from being flooded in. That is being street smart). It is called fostering relations when you allow the boss to take credit…. The boss… but do not be dumb and dumber and not even co-sign that you were part of the project. Make an appearance and let it be known that you at least underlined the document. That is how it works, being a pushover and bemoaning your circumstances in life never got anyone anywhere. After you are done, they will get the promotion and you will still be standing in the same spot or no spot at all for that matter.

Your friends will respect you the same way you respect yourself. There are good friends but there are those ones who just come to confuse us in life. If you are more worried about losing the friendship and thus allowing someone to step on your toes. It is not them but you. You attract what you pronounce. We all need minions to run and fetch. If you allow to be someone’s minion then do not blame and bemoan to the rest of us. We all see it but it is terribly hard to drag a bull by its horns and force it to drink that damn water. The best you can do is lead it to it. If it is thirsty it shall drink. Of course if you are being paid to fetch, that is different!

If you want your spouse to treat you right, then treat yourself right and lay the rules down. To some extent, those who are not treated well by their partners, it is their fault. They allowed it in the first place. Call it not wanting to be single, to lose them or already being in that situation. Yes, it is good to avoid nagging and arguments but never allow anything to go unchecked in a relationship. That is how you get in a mess in the future.

If you want someone to respect your religion, culture, your nationality/ nation. Then it goes without saying be the first and they will follow but if you are the first to throw a foul do not be too disgruntled when they do the same.

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