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Why do happy couples cheat?

23 September 2015, 10:39 Anne Muigai

Love, relationships - this is a delicate terrain that we all approach with caution. Infidelity has become commonplace in many relationships, with meanings coming up to contradict what’s right. I have heard someone say that cheating includes watching pornography, sexting and being secretly active on dating apps. My understanding of cheating is having a secret emotional and romantic connection with another person apart from your partner.

Many times, we rely on our partner’s fidelity to be faithful to them.  I know many people who have gone ahead to cheat because they were deceived, or they suspected they were cheated. The farfetched defenses of loss of emotion, tenacity and freedom in a relationship are common among cheating partners. A close friend, who has been happily married, just dived into an affair. She tells me that she has never felt so alive in her life!

But what really do we want in a relationship? Why do happy couples cheat?

My thoughts pan from shots of abuse- ranging from emotional to physical violence, recurrent misunderstandings and loss of autonomy, lack of forgiveness and desire for excitement. Sometimes we are too comfortable in relationships that we forget to appreciate each other. Women want to feel special, to be given attention and independence. Sometimes in just small ways and it can make a whole lot of difference. Partners want to feel secure and excited every day in their relationships. If the relationship becomes too routine, excitement may go away resulting in one or both parties looking for it somewhere else.

Read Also: 2 ways to make him propose

Experts say that a vast majority of the time, motivations differ by gender, with men searching for more sex or attention and women looking to fill an emotional void. Men justify cheating with the excuses of “it’s what men do” or worse, “I’m just being a man.”

Women justify cheating with a search for company and romance when their partners are too busy to give them total attention. It is not once that I have heard a lady say, “I was lonely, not connected, I didn't feel close to my partner, and I was taken for granted."

Women seek to satisfy their need to feel beautiful and special.

When I asked my friend what exactly this new man was doing different, she said with no remorse, "He is giving me all of the stuff my man doesn't - attention and affection."

When my godfather discovered that his wife was having an affair, he asked her, “Is he better in bed than me?”  It’s needless to say that the answer to this question may be hurting, especially if the answer is yes.

An adage says that there are two tragedies in life; one, not to get what you want and the other, to get what you want. Whichever you achieve, there is always something else that you feel you want. Sometimes, we just want and desire something more; excitement, better treatment, sex and attention. Desire is entirely different from need and love, and maybe, to stay true, we need to differentiate the two.

There are a million and one reasons for cheating, but honestly none justifies it. Since I’m a champion of optimism, I believe couples can recapture the quality of excitement in their relationships. You can start appreciating and assuring each other as you did before in the hope that you regain trust and love from and for each other.

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Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

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