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Why I will not support my man

21 May 2015, 16:15 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - Someone was telling me I was not supportive! All this because I said if the car got stuck I will not go out in my stilettos to push cars!

Now, that is why I was not supportive.

He was giving me an overall conclusion that Kenyan women are not good at supporting their men in anything they do. I asked what anything is.

Anything and everything; business, work, family, studies, -everything that our men do we are the biggest critics and apparently we never find anything supportive or positive to say. Just because I said it was raining and I knew I could not change to save my life. I told him if this whole blowout was about me changing a tyre with him then I will concede and hold an umbrella over his head, or a torch for light.

He pointed out that that was not the point he was making, just that, a little moral support goes a long way.

I know I am a very supportive individual just that at times I do not trust men. I trust you when you are my friend just that when you are my partner, I will watch you closer that I would watch a friend. Relationships change men too they become more edgy, more delusional and more held back with their honesty and truth. They dance around honesty, and further away from it. I think men are sneakier than women and some are consummate pathological liars. What he says is not what it is. I might try use our politicians as an example but I am not trying to make a political case.

For example when he says he needs the money, let’s say, five million shillings from the joint account. You later find out that only three million shillings made it to its destination, the rest disappeared without a trace. No explanations, not even telling me the real amount, I just find out through the grapevine. See how my moral support will turn to an inquisition?

Moral support is held back when honesty and truth is held back. If I feel that you are taking away some crucial part of any situation obviously I will be held back in my devotion to your cause.

At times you even find out there was no cause to begin with. He was getting dressed and leaving the house all this time only for you to see him sat by some stand and not doing what he was meant to be doing. Work. That is when you find out he has no job or lost it and did not have the decency to inform you.

Moral support is held back when you are blatantly honest and brutal with the scheming and conniving. You know, if you are a married man with a first wife. You do not tell the girlfriend the truth. The wife is also not aware of what you have been doing. Then you expect the now second wife to be as morally supportive as she used to be. She cannot when she knows you are such a consummate liar. If you can hide an identity that the Kenyan government has on record. You are really good by the way. That communicates to her that from then on she should watch out and be more inquisitive!

I hope the men have understood where we are coming from with regards to moral support. But if its about the tyre, yes, I will help pass the tools!

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