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Why I never look good for a man

13 August 2015, 15:07 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - I never look good for a man but myself and here's why.

Turning yourself to be a project so that you can be good enough.

I don’t like listening to songs by people who are younger than me, read: teenagers, because they remind me of the millions they are making off of my corporation and I am yet to hit that mark.

Selena Gomez, I recently heard her song, ‘Good for you’. Which I will admit, had a very good beat that is yet to wear off but then I listened to the lyrics and it reminded me of my teenager rule. Not that she is a teenager anymore but the lyrics do not sit so well with me. ‘I just want to look good for you’.

 I am trying to rehabilitate women from that mentality of making themselves good enough for some man and that is why. And no, I am not a feminist, so you can swallow back that thought.

‘Let me show you how proud I am to be yours.’ This song is basically talking about her having to do it all to keep the man’s attention. Let me dress good for you. Let me put on this super tight lingerie even if I am bloated from dinner. Paint my nails after I am done with the dishes. Cook some nice steak and Ugali so that you can remember why it is you keep remembering to come back home. Rings a bell for the women who sweat over the stove for hours and call their man to remind him to get home-because she cooked! That man will come home late if he wants to, well armed with a good excuse he thought of along the way.

Point 1: A man will do what he wants and when he wants, no matter what you do.

Why I do not like the lyrics to this song? Because it is spearheading this all-time norm that if you just make yourself a project, and do this or that for that man, it will work. He will be yours and will always be yours.


Point 2: A man will not be kept by anything (you) unless he wants to be kept.

The sooner you realize that second point is the second you will start winning in this relationship and marriage thing.

You want a man? Get one who is ready and willing to work to get you. Never the other way around. Anything that comes easy for any man is never worth his loyalty. So many of you waste your time and energy on a man who has stepped out on you many times. Is thinking of stepping out or is in the process of doing so because you are showing him that you are that desperate to be called his or anyone’s and to belong to him. 

You want to show him how proud you are to be his. In some cases, he never even made you his and never has. Probably never will, because of all that desperation you are displaying. You will get the jokers if you reason this way. Quality men are so used to quality that they can spot it from a mile. You may not be that, but as a woman I will tell you it starts with having a little confidence and self-esteem in yourself. You can buy from an A-list boutique but if you do not have that, you will not carry it well. You can buy off the rack, have the confidence to carry it off so well, you will blind everyone with that class. That is what it is all about when it comes to getting quality men that will appreciate you for what and who you are.

Otherwise bending over backwards has never won many awards. You will not be the first to do it and you will not be the last to do it. What you will be the first and last to do, is to realize its ineffectiveness in your love life and move on when a man treats you as he should not. It is not a puzzle. It is not juggling. It is not a therapy session. It is simple. Realize, your worth and you will attract it.

Your worth is not judged by the school you went to, the houses you own or what you can do for that man in his life. It is how you stand up for yourself.

True, that each and every one of us…okay, maybe some of us are a project. We all want to develop ourselves into something better and mature. The problem comes in when you make yourself a project for a single man. So when he loses interest, your world falls apart. That is where you get it wrong.

As for Selena Gomez, I still like you and the beat of the song but those lyrics, I bet some of you women will resonate with them so well and look back and see how it has not changed anything yet because that man was never yours from the beginning. They only work if they man was yours.

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Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

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