Why I date 10 men
07 July 2015, 14:59
Nairobi - For most of us women, we forget one rule when it comes to
our personal lives and the men we let into them. Dating is like Survivor. You
date many men, and you have a relationships with one. Let us repeat. Date many
men, be in a relationship with one.
No do not have sex with all your dates, this is where the 90
day rule got mixed up. Steve Harvey was not saying you tell the man he cannot
have you until after three months (he will wait and if that is what he was
buying you all those meals for, he will go afterwards). He was saying, you have
sex, but with the one that proves he is worthy during the dating process. Dating, is when you have many options, but the one
that survives the elimination process is the one that deserves to be in a
relationship with you.
We can cook, do our nails and iron the clothes at the same
time. We can go to the market, ensure the children are okay at home and the
husband is well fed in the diaspora. We can type three documents, make 100
phone calls and be in a meeting doing a presentation all at the same time. But
when it comes to the men, our multitasking abilities experience a malfunction.
That is where the problem has always been.
No matter how you try to solve your dating life issues, if
you cannot straighten this one out, you will always have the same mess.
The problem has always been that when we look for that man
that we know we deserve, we focus too much on him, give it our all for that one
person. Never make him step up, he messes up and then we blame all the men for
our stupid decision making. We forget that just like you are one woman who is
you, the man is only one man that is him. You wonder how your friend always
gets the good men even when she is busy going out with all these men being a slut. Why can’t these men see how good
you are and leave these sluts alone? What you have failed to understand is that
your friend is carrying out an elimination process.
She is going out with all these men giving the right man the
time to prove himself the right one for her. Giving the wrong man the time to
prove himself wrong for her. That is what most of us women overlook. Your
friend is not being a slut, your friend is being strategic. Some of them do it
consciously but most do it subconsciously without even knowing that they are doing
it. Being wiser than most women. Just because you are sleeping with that one
man in your life trying to prove yourself does not mean that your friend with
the many men is doing the same with all of them. That is where most of you fail
Take a number, take two number, heck take ten of them. At
work (if it allows and you can handle it), at a party, at a conference or
wherever. If a man steps up to the plate, do not eliminate him immediately
because you have two other men texting you on WhatsApp. Take all those numbers.
HAVE OPTIONS. What does this do? You never get desperate. You never keep
calling and texting one guy forcing him into a conversation with him playing
hard to get. Let the one that has a healthy interest in you be the first one to
call or text you. Apply your multi-tasking here. Reply two texts over here and
pick three calls over there.
Second, getting the date. You have ten numbers, from all those
conversations, you already know whom you have a good connection with. That does
not mean you drop everyone else and pick only one. Not yet. Give everyone who
asks for your time a chance. The one who did not bother to call or text, you do
not have to bother with because you have other options. If they forever fail to
get into contact then delete that number.
Third, you now arrange the dates, or they arrange the dates.
Out of all of those you go out with. There is obviously the one who will not
show up maybe. The one who will misbehave, the one who will be a gentleman, the
ones without manners, the ones that will treat you right, the egocentric
person. So with each step, there is the elimination process that is taking
You keep weeding out the bad and keeping the good. That is
what good dating is about. You choose the people that are right for you, the
ones that go out of their way to treat you right until you remain with the one
that you feel is good enough to be in a relationship with you. That is what the
90 day rule was about. Not applying it to the one man in your life but the many
people you are dating until the one that proves himself worthy of you.
By the end of it, I do hope you have good judgmental skills
such that you will be settled in a good relationship. The Survivor offers the
winner a couple of dollars in your Survivor the prize is you. The ones who do
not put in the effort, get eliminated!
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