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Why I date 10 men

07 July 2015, 14:59 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - For most of us women, we forget one rule when it comes to our personal lives and the men we let into them. Dating is like Survivor. You date many men, and you have a relationships with one. Let us repeat. Date many men, be in a relationship with one.

No do not have sex with all your dates, this is where the 90 day rule got mixed up. Steve Harvey was not saying you tell the man he cannot have you until after three months (he will wait and if that is what he was buying you all those meals for, he will go afterwards). He was saying, you have sex, but with the one that proves he is worthy during the dating process. Dating, is when you have many options, but the one that survives the elimination process is the one that deserves to be in a relationship with you.

We can cook, do our nails and iron the clothes at the same time. We can go to the market, ensure the children are okay at home and the husband is well fed in the diaspora. We can type three documents, make 100 phone calls and be in a meeting doing a presentation all at the same time. But when it comes to the men, our multitasking abilities experience a malfunction. That is where the problem has always been.

No matter how you try to solve your dating life issues, if you cannot straighten this one out, you will always have the same mess.

The problem has always been that when we look for that man that we know we deserve, we focus too much on him, give it our all for that one person. Never make him step up, he messes up and then we blame all the men for our stupid decision making. We forget that just like you are one woman who is you, the man is only one man that is him. You wonder how your friend always gets the good men even when she is busy going out with all these men being a slut. Why can’t these men see how good you are and leave these sluts alone? What you have failed to understand is that your friend is carrying out an elimination process.

She is going out with all these men giving the right man the time to prove himself the right one for her. Giving the wrong man the time to prove himself wrong for her. That is what most of us women overlook. Your friend is not being a slut, your friend is being strategic. Some of them do it consciously but most do it subconsciously without even knowing that they are doing it. Being wiser than most women. Just because you are sleeping with that one man in your life trying to prove yourself does not mean that your friend with the many men is doing the same with all of them. That is where most of you fail the exam.

Take a number, take two number, heck take ten of them. At work (if it allows and you can handle it), at a party, at a conference or wherever. If a man steps up to the plate, do not eliminate him immediately because you have two other men texting you on WhatsApp. Take all those numbers. HAVE OPTIONS. What does this do? You never get desperate. You never keep calling and texting one guy forcing him into a conversation with him playing hard to get. Let the one that has a healthy interest in you be the first one to call or text you. Apply your multi-tasking here. Reply two texts over here and pick three calls over there.

Second, getting the date. You have ten numbers, from all those conversations, you already know whom you have a good connection with. That does not mean you drop everyone else and pick only one. Not yet. Give everyone who asks for your time a chance. The one who did not bother to call or text, you do not have to bother with because you have other options. If they forever fail to get into contact then delete that number.

Third, you now arrange the dates, or they arrange the dates. Out of all of those you go out with. There is obviously the one who will not show up maybe. The one who will misbehave, the one who will be a gentleman, the ones without manners, the ones that will treat you right, the egocentric person. So with each step, there is the elimination process that is taking place.

You keep weeding out the bad and keeping the good. That is what good dating is about. You choose the people that are right for you, the ones that go out of their way to treat you right until you remain with the one that you feel is good enough to be in a relationship with you. That is what the 90 day rule was about. Not applying it to the one man in your life but the many people you are dating until the one that proves himself worthy of you.

By the end of it, I do hope you have good judgmental skills such that you will be settled in a good relationship. The Survivor offers the winner a couple of dollars in your Survivor the prize is you. The ones who do not put in the effort, get eliminated!

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