Why I am still single
07 July 2015, 16:18
Nairobi - That title is lame and if you thought I have the recipe to
get you that guy from the IT department then you are lame too.
I pride myself in knowing that I am not a lame woman and I
hope I am not about to start now. But still, as a woman, a single one at that,
I am the best option you have when it comes to the kind of advice you want.
The people in relationships will not help because they fall
in two categories. The ones who settled and now have regrets. They will not
tell you though, but put on a brave face with a right dose of lies on how to
survive. If you want to be in a relationship surviving, then you can listen to
them. The other category is blissfully happy because they made the right choice
problem is they will give you a criteria for a partner like theirs who might
not be good for you.
If you are still reading, it only means one of two things. You
do want advice to getting that kind of man that will have yourself thinking ten
years down the line how you managed that coup (because we both know that you
are not all that) or two, you are bored in the office and you are wondering
when Friday will get here.
I will go with the first people and I really am the best
person to ask because every man that I am in a relationship with usually has
every friend of mine; female and male bowing down with respect. I am not saying
I am not all that but I am just saying that in a field of kienyeji chicken and grade
chicken, I usually have the real thing-the kienyeji chicken! If you are a real Kenyan you will get the
difference and know how good that meat is.
So why am I single you ask? Because in this game I am not
that desperate to latch onto every relationship that has run its course. If you
are an adult and you truly are mature, you know everything usually does run its
course. If it is time to let go, you let go. Kenyan woman reading this, let go.
Some of you are in really bad situations at the moment. With people that are
horrible for you. With men that do not treat you right but you latch on all in
the name of being in a relationship. All in the name of having something. Let
it go! That one ran its course over a year ago and no matter how pregnant you
try to be, how pregnant you are, how you force someone into marriage because you
think it will change them. It never does.
That is the one thing that a lot of women overlook when it
comes to the partners that they settle with. You always make that mistake of
looking back to things because your current situation did not turn out the way
you would have liked it to. So you start reconsidering all your past options.
You can never ever get into a better situation or someone
that is actually good for you if you keep looking at what you have in the back.
That is the trick. To get something new you need to completely replace the old
that has become worn out.
To get someone new, you need to let go of the one that did
not work out. If you cannot do this then you might as well just concede defeat.
Same applies to making comparisons. How can you expect something new to really
work for you if you keep comparing the good with the former good or the bad with
the former bad? It is like you are just looking for a new face to replace all
the bad habits that you have not really let go of. When you are told
relationships are hard work people are just not talking about when you meet
that person but also working on yourself and your issues. Your trust issues,
your daddy issues or mummy issues, victimization issues, your abandonment
issues. If you want something to work, you also have to be good enough to
handle it. You cannot carry your load, place it on this other person and later
blame them when it does not work.
If you are not ready, you know it. So get a time out such
that when they do come along. You will know that it is not you but them if it
runs its course.
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