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Why I am still single

07 July 2015, 16:18 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - That title is lame and if you thought I have the recipe to get you that guy from the IT department then you are lame too.

I pride myself in knowing that I am not a lame woman and I hope I am not about to start now. But still, as a woman, a single one at that, I am the best option you have when it comes to the kind of advice you want.

The people in relationships will not help because they fall in two categories. The ones who settled and now have regrets. They will not tell you though, but put on a brave face with a right dose of lies on how to survive. If you want to be in a relationship surviving, then you can listen to them. The other category is blissfully happy because they made the right choice problem is they will give you a criteria for a partner like theirs who might not be good for you.

If you are still reading, it only means one of two things. You do want advice to getting that kind of man that will have yourself thinking ten years down the line how you managed that coup (because we both know that you are not all that) or two, you are bored in the office and you are wondering when Friday will get here.

I will go with the first people and I really am the best person to ask because every man that I am in a relationship with usually has every friend of mine; female and male bowing down with respect. I am not saying I am not all that but I am just saying that in a field of kienyeji chicken and grade chicken, I usually have the real thing-the kienyeji chicken! If you are a real Kenyan you will get the difference and know how good that meat is.

So why am I single you ask? Because in this game I am not that desperate to latch onto every relationship that has run its course. If you are an adult and you truly are mature, you know everything usually does run its course. If it is time to let go, you let go. Kenyan woman reading this, let go. Some of you are in really bad situations at the moment. With people that are horrible for you. With men that do not treat you right but you latch on all in the name of being in a relationship. All in the name of having something. Let it go! That one ran its course over a year ago and no matter how pregnant you try to be, how pregnant you are, how you force someone into marriage because you think it will change them. It never does.

That is the one thing that a lot of women overlook when it comes to the partners that they settle with. You always make that mistake of looking back to things because your current situation did not turn out the way you would have liked it to. So you start reconsidering all your past options.

You can never ever get into a better situation or someone that is actually good for you if you keep looking at what you have in the back. That is the trick. To get something new you need to completely replace the old that has become worn out.

To get someone new, you need to let go of the one that did not work out. If you cannot do this then you might as well just concede defeat. Same applies to making comparisons. How can you expect something new to really work for you if you keep comparing the good with the former good or the bad with the former bad? It is like you are just looking for a new face to replace all the bad habits that you have not really let go of. When you are told relationships are hard work people are just not talking about when you meet that person but also working on yourself and your issues. Your trust issues, your daddy issues or mummy issues, victimization issues, your abandonment issues. If you want something to work, you also have to be good enough to handle it. You cannot carry your load, place it on this other person and later blame them when it does not work.

If you are not ready, you know it. So get a time out such that when they do come along. You will know that it is not you but them if it runs its course.

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Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

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