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Why I am afraid of having a baby daddy

26 May 2015, 16:04 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - There is a reason I am afraid of having a baby daddy. I have seen how they can ruin the life of a young mother because they cannot just accept to live her alone other than keep to their responsibilities to the child. Most of the time, they do not even keep their promises to the child. So she is here struggling to bring up his child or children and also has to deal with his drama because he cannot leave her alone.


By leaving her alone, I am talking about him letting her find some happiness with someone else. Because we all know we would like him not to leave her ALONE when it comes to paying for the offspring (s) upkeep, tuition, medical fees or insurance. They are good at leaving her alone in that-the big issues-where it really matters but when it comes to not minding her personal business; he will make time for that!


A lot of young single mothers know what I am talking about, it’s not just them either but the divorcees or just mothers who split with the father of the children because of one issue or the other.


When a woman is a single mother that does not mean that she stops being a woman. That is the problem with men, they think that once you become a mother your womanhood gets lost in that. So he starts thinking of her as just the mother of my children, the woman who gave birth to my offspring, the woman who carried my child. She is no longer his girlfriend, lover and friend.

So when they split up he is still stuck on the mentality that aside from being a mother she cannot be anything else other than someone who wipes off drool, changes nappies, scrapes and cleans after his child and is so tired after all of that, she need a companion and friend to talk to but has none. His life after they are done with each other continues on his pace but he would like to control hers as well by not allowing her to date in peace.


No other man should have an ear for the mother of my children but I can talk to as many foreign women as I wish. No other man should kiss the lips of the mother of my child, her lips kiss my child. No other man should see the nakedness of the mother of my children because she is promoting promiscuous behavior in my children. But when he introduces his new girlfriend to the children there is nothing remotely wrong with that.

Actually, there is nothing wrong with that, what is wrong is when you try to now police your ex on the same.


He will be the one to undermine her capability of raising the child just because she needed one Sunday afternoon off and decided to go for the date with that guy who he does not like how he looks. By the way, why should you like how he looks, you are not the one that has to wake up to that face in the morning other than her.

He will make her feel bad for taking one day, night or weekend off from wiping messes and just enjoying herself. Just that one time, and she is the representation as to why Eve was the reason for Cain being evil. He says that she is not there for their child and that is why he or she is not acting correctly.


He will blame her for the mischiefs that the child conducts in school because she is not available to teach their child better. These are the baby daddies that will ask you to stop working and they will support all of you yet you know he was allergic to even buy food in the house. He was allergic to give you an allowance to take care of the child, how will he take care of the lot of you if you also stop working?


If you are unfortunate enough to be jobless or to listen to his piece of ‘reasoning’, that is when you will see how they idiot will now pull all stops in controlling your love life/ romance. It is not being promiscuous or being a slut but you needing adult company other than that of your brothers. The litany will go like this,’ I give you my money so that you can spend on that new fool? ‘I give you money so that my child can starve, you buy a dress so that you can dress up for other men?’ or ‘Am I a fool to work so that I can pay for another man’s upkeep?’

You do not want to be at the receiving end of such jabs because they will get at you no matter how strong you think you are. Keep your job. Do not quit because some popinjay asked you to do so. He will sweeten the pot while he convinces you but the moment you are dependent on that man, you will see hell incarnate on earth.


That is not the last bit either. Once you have convinced your new beau that you are normal even though you once were with that clown who is your baby daddy; the said clown will not let you have a meal in piece.

He will call because he does not think the mother of his children should stay out past a certain time. He will mess up your whole dinner with the constant buzzing of your phone. The worst thing you can do for yourself is keep picking up the calls. If it is an emergency, let the guy text then you call back. But if you pick the call over and over, he will never stop.


Or he will show up at the address you gave the househelp, the restaurant. He will come to take a look at the new guy in his block. If he is better than his average self. Be prepared to deal with messes.


If you finally convince the man to be in a committed relationship with you. The real battle lines are drawn.

‘I will not let some pother man raise my child.’ That makes a lot of sense but when it comes from some Kenyan man’s mouth I usually hold back my mirth. The man has never cared to know where the child’s kindergarten is or what fees they pay so how has he helped in the raising of the child so far? The only people who should be given leeway with this line are those that actually raise their child. If he actually take care of his offspring he is allowed to have a say in their living situation, if not, then he can keep his idealism to himself.


Never let your baby daddy control your life after you have split or make you lose your confidence as a mother due to his foul mouth. He was not good then so best believe he is not coming back with better intentions. Expect the worse or even worst. That way, you will never be gob smacked with surprise.


Never let them interfere in your new relationship unless they are echoing what everyone else is saying. In instances of abuse, a user, an alcoholic. Unless the current is actually bad news, the rest should be up to you, not him!




- MyNews24

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

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