Why I am afraid of having a baby daddy
26 May 2015, 16:04
Nairobi - There is a reason I am afraid of having a baby daddy. I have
seen how they can ruin the life of a young mother because they cannot just
accept to live her alone other than keep to their responsibilities to the
child. Most of the time, they do not even keep their promises to the child.
So she is here struggling to bring up his child or children and also has to
deal with his drama because he cannot leave her alone.
By leaving her alone, I am talking about him letting her
find some happiness with someone else. Because we all know we would like him
not to leave her ALONE when it comes to paying for the offspring (s) upkeep,
tuition, medical fees or insurance. They are good at leaving her alone in
that-the big issues-where it really matters but when it comes to not minding
her personal business; he will make time for that!
A lot of young single mothers know what I am talking about,
it’s not just them either but the divorcees or just mothers who split with the
father of the children because of one issue or the other.
When a woman is a single mother that does not mean that she
stops being a woman. That is the problem with men, they think that once you
become a mother your womanhood gets lost in that. So he starts thinking of her
as just the mother of my children, the woman who gave birth to my offspring,
the woman who carried my child. She is no longer his girlfriend, lover and
So when they split up he is still stuck on the mentality
that aside from being a mother she cannot be anything else other than someone
who wipes off drool, changes nappies, scrapes and cleans after his child and is
so tired after all of that, she need a companion and friend to talk to but has
none. His life after they are done with each other continues on his pace but he
would like to control hers as well by not allowing her to date in peace.
No other man should have an ear for the mother of my
children but I can talk to as many foreign women as I wish. No other man should
kiss the lips of the mother of my child, her lips kiss my child. No other man
should see the nakedness of the mother of my children because she is promoting
promiscuous behavior in my children. But when he introduces his new girlfriend
to the children there is nothing remotely wrong with that.
Actually, there is nothing wrong with that, what is wrong is
when you try to now police your ex on the same.
He will be the one to undermine her capability of raising the
child just because she needed one Sunday afternoon off and decided to go for
the date with that guy who he does not like how he looks. By the way, why
should you like how he looks, you are not the one that has to wake up to that
face in the morning other than her.
He will make her feel bad for taking one day, night or
weekend off from wiping messes and just enjoying herself. Just that one time,
and she is the representation as to why Eve was the reason for Cain being evil.
He says that she is not there for their child and that is why he or she is not
He will blame her for the mischiefs that the child conducts
in school because she is not available to teach their child better. These are
the baby daddies that will ask you to stop working and they will support all of
you yet you know he was allergic to even buy food in the house. He was allergic
to give you an allowance to take care of the child, how will he take care of
the lot of you if you also stop working?
If you are unfortunate enough to be jobless or to listen to
his piece of ‘reasoning’, that is when you will see how they idiot will now
pull all stops in controlling your love life/ romance. It is not being
promiscuous or being a slut but you needing adult company other than that of your
brothers. The litany will go like this,’ I give you my money so that you can
spend on that new fool? ‘I give you money so that my child can starve, you buy
a dress so that you can dress up for other men?’ or ‘Am I a fool to work so
that I can pay for another man’s upkeep?’
You do not want to be at the receiving end of such jabs
because they will get at you no matter how strong you think you are. Keep your
job. Do not quit because some popinjay asked you to do so. He will sweeten the
pot while he convinces you but the moment you are dependent on that man, you
will see hell incarnate on earth.
That is not the last bit either. Once you have convinced
your new beau that you are normal even though you once were with that clown who
is your baby daddy; the said clown will not let you have a meal in piece.
He will call because he does not think the mother of his
children should stay out past a certain time. He will mess up your whole dinner
with the constant buzzing of your phone. The worst thing you can do for
yourself is keep picking up the calls. If it is an emergency, let the guy text
then you call back. But if you pick the call over and over, he will never stop.
Or he will show up at the address you gave the househelp,
the restaurant. He will come to take a look at the new guy in his block. If he
is better than his average self. Be prepared to deal with messes.
If you finally convince the man to be in a committed
relationship with you. The real battle lines are drawn.
‘I will not let some pother man raise my child.’ That makes
a lot of sense but when it comes from some Kenyan man’s mouth I usually hold
back my mirth. The man has never cared to know where the child’s kindergarten
is or what fees they pay so how has he helped in the raising of the child so far?
The only people who should be given leeway with this line are those that
actually raise their child. If he actually take care of his offspring he is
allowed to have a say in their living situation, if not, then he can keep his
idealism to himself.
Never let your baby daddy control your life after you have
split or make you lose your confidence as a mother due to his foul mouth. He
was not good then so best believe he is not coming back with better intentions.
Expect the worse or even worst. That way, you will never be gob smacked with
Never let them interfere in your new relationship unless
they are echoing what everyone else is saying. In instances of abuse, a user,
an alcoholic. Unless the current is actually bad news, the rest should be up to
you, not him!
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