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When your partner is unhappy? What next?

08 September 2015, 13:52 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi -  The grass is always greener on the other side; for everyone! Someone advised that since you can’t steal someone’s lawn, you had better start watering yours to make it as green as you would like it to be.

People are difficult and people in relationships have it worse. They want something in a certain way and the worst part is that it is dependent on the other person. It can never be just right hence the dissatisfaction.

Attention: too little and they complain that you do not love them as you used to or as they expected you to. Too much and they complain you are clingy and over-possessive. So what amount of attention is the right kind of attention for a healthy relationship?

It is all dependent on how healthy or unhealthy your relationship is when the two of you come together as partners. Unhealthy is when there is a co-dependence between the two partners or dependence of one partner on the other. You know you are in a bad situation when your partner expects you to check with them every minute of every day. They cannot do anything without you assuring them.

They can easily breakdown when you have a misstep like having a really busy day and you were not able to call them. You are in trouble when they cannot solve an issue without your input and they blame their failure on your unavailability. That is when you start feeling suffocated and smothered to the point of feeling like you are carrying a load and you need a place to rest your shoulder. Should you water that lawn or should you just let it dry up?

It depends on your partner that makes you go through that and how much you are willing to put up with just to make the relationship a success.

Healthy attention: being there for your partner when they need someone to vent to and not solve their problems. They just need someone to listen to them. It is not about you checking in the whole day but just finding out how their day was and them doing the same for you. Any relationship should not feel like you are carrying a load and that is what a partner’s dependence on you can cause.

You cease to enjoy even the good things because when you leave them they for a day, they are a complete wreck. Don’t disappear for a whole week and say that you were trying to not be suffocating. That is just being rude. Why are you with them if you cannot be bothered by them? It is about creating a balance; not over-compensating for other areas that are lacking or de-compensating because you just do not feel like it.

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