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When she does not want a relationship

30 March 2015, 15:00 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi -  Relationships can be good. Relationships can be bad. They can be hard and they can also be something that you just do not want.

Dear men, not every woman you meet is in a hurry to be your anything just because she accepted to go on a date with you. Most of the time we talk about women who are needy but some men can be needy too. Some men can be obsessed with chasing that one person because they have a mindset that if she is not in a relationship it is not by choice but out of lack of proposals. In his mind he is that that he is doing her a favor by offering to take her off the market.

I have a very beautiful associate who I at times wonder what her deal is. When it comes to relationships, she treats them like how Kenyan men treat them- she is just not looking for one. Problem is most of the time the men who offer to be with her do not know that and they are always quick to pronounce the relationship card. If she hears it she cuts you off, like literally, you will not hear from her again.

I do understand the men though. She is educated, very beautiful like I mentioned earlier. Everything is hers, the nails, face, the body (goes to the gym too to stay fit) and the hair as well, no weaves (comes easy for her since she is Ethiopian). Very ambitious, works to earn her money and does not depend on any man for anything and she is used to a certain lifestyle. Every man I meet who comes in contact with her is trying to get more from her.

Was with her during the weekend, and as usual topic of men in the horizon came up. Last time I saw her there was a list of them, this weekend none were on site. I was getting worried that maybe she plays for the other team and I was unaware of it. I also think she is afraid of commitment just like a lot of Kenyan men, thing is, with her face everyone she meets is trying to commit to her. There was one particular one that I cannot fail to mention. He is doing well for himself, based in Uganda and what most women will call a catch. I think he had that attitude that most men have, them being God’s gift to women. They meet once, on his short trip to Kenya and soon they are talking on the phone. They go on a date, he flies back to Uganda, but all month long communications are kept open.

The last time she talked to him, the man is already telling her how he loves her and wants to be with her forever. If he had hoped for a joyous moment what he got was the opposite- silence from the other end and no communication. She was not being rude but being really practical. This man did not have enough information about her, had met her once at a business meeting. Did not know what she likes or what she really does. Technically he had no idea about her but was already professing his love. If my friend were to change careers and be a con artist, a lot of you men would have fallen for it because you cannot get past her face. I wish she would too because I would have a lot of interesting things to tell my readers. I had to explain her qualities to her so that she does not judge the man too harshly on his pre-emptive move. The roles were reversed and in this case, she was the catch.

I like my friend’s mindset because it is in the right place as a woman and I think that is part of the reason that she gets all these offers. She is not desperately looking for a relationship to fulfill her. She leads her life and the only time she has for a man is when he understands that what they are just having is a good time and companionship that does not involve heavy demands on anyone. She taught me that that is the kind of mindset that any successful woman who wants a man and not a boy should have. You do not go in already thinking of the many Christmases to come or the many babies you want to have for him. She begins every association with a neutral mindset, not expecting anything just there to have a good time. Which is where a lot of women fail and end up looking needy. Expecting things. If your head is in the right place you will be like my friend which is what makes her so attractive to the men other than her heritage.

As for the men though not all women fall all over themselves from the need to want to have someone to hang their handbags on. Get to know someone before you start professing your love because she will look good on your arm (which I think she may find insulting).  Not all of us think you are a gift to us, we just want to have a good time too. No strings attached.

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