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When his mum is his wife

29 April 2015, 16:53 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - Most of the time, we only talk about how women like letting g their friends into their relationships which most of the time never ends too well.

What about marriages? It is two people who come together in union but ends up with the whole clan having an opinion about something.

Family should only be involved when it is a major issue such as when the man is trying to marry the house help and you do not want to allow it. This one you will lose though because the chama's will second him.

Or if any customs were violated- I should mention I only know a handful of mine-being born town is not so good. I know one though and it is weird and stupid. It goes something like, if my mother comes to visit me in my marital home, she cannot use any of the amenities that my husband uses, even a chair. Yes, a chair. When my grandmother from my mother’s side comes to visit, she gets her own chair and it is placed 100 miles away. They have to shout to have a conversation. See why I find it funny?

What was I talking about? Oh Yes, involving people in your marital affairs, your marriage. Even the men are culprits when mother has to be consulted before he agrees with the wife. You have no idea how this makes your wife feel bad. Do not be surprised when you get cold reception after pulling such stunts.

In this day and age marriage is being defined as people go along. Like taking of your husband’s name is no longer a thing that women want to do. They want to keep their identity and not get lost in their husband’s. Problem is, when you do it, not because you are the one that wants to but because another spinster female relative is advising you to do so. You know she is spinster for a reason. Why can’t some women take those blatant clues that are laid out for them when female relatives butt their noses in your marriage and ruin it before it begins? When making such a decision, first, you have the discussion with yourself, be at peace with what you decide to do. Then find out your partner’s opinion on the whole matter. See how simple that was, you only had to ask two people and resolved it quickly. You and him.

Now consider talking to your spinster relative. She will call your mother, the all the aunts and then throw in some of her friends in the whole thing. You get all these opinions from all directions that will confuse you and you end up doing what they tell you rather than what you really want.

The worst habit that a man you marry can have is when making all decisions he has to call his mother to get her opinion on the matter before you actually do anything. It undercuts you every time especially when the two of you do not have a really good relationship. If your husband is one that does this and you have been married for years it is not going to change. On the other hand, if you are married now, stop it in its tracks now because the longer you wait, the more chances are that your opinion will take third place in a marriage of two.

Then there are those fights that people like having and soon enough weekends are made of church elders and relatives spending weekends at your house drinking tea and eating food, solving a non-issue. They will not tell you it was a non-issue because just think, you just saved them on lunch and supper.

If it can be solved between the two of you keep it that way. Mo need to be the entertainment at a family gathering and being the topic of discussion for gossip mongers. Just because they said they will leave it in your compound does not mean that they will.

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