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What makes your relationship tick?

17 July 2015, 14:32 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - Couples tend to experience relationships along three tiers past the honey money stage; it is either good (rarely will you find really good), okay/ average (what an everyday couple tends to experience and work with which is okay for everyone) and bad (it is not working).

When it gets to being bad, a lot of things tend to go through your mind because you are deciding how you want to get out of that phase. It is either you want to leave that relationship or you want to try fix where you might have gone wrong because you know that that woman might just be the best thing that happened in your life. Or she is the one that works for you in ways that no other woman can.

So fix it is. You must know though that if it has been bad for a while, the thoughts you are having are the ones that she is also having. Contrary to popular belief not all women get desperate and stick it out in a situation that is clearly not working well for them. She might just be thinking of leaving your a** and she will not tell you until last minute because we are just sneaky by nature and we do not like drama.

Can you change her mind, yes/ maybe you can if she has not already moved some of her clothes to a friend’s place. But it will take work. One thing you have to check at the door though is your ego. Kenyan men have an ego and even when they are wrong they would pledge their whole family just to stick to what they started with. But you will agree that when something matters to you, it is not about lil old you anymore!

You need to re-evaluate what you may have been about that made your relationship with your woman go sour. Did you stop showing and telling her that you love her. It may not matter to you but it still does to her. Or you clinched the deal and decided that your work is done. The horse is in the stable, so let the hands take care of it from now on. Lack of appreciation is a killer of intimacy in a relationship. You think it is your due because it is what women should do for their women. Not all women cook, not all women clean, not all women welcome their men home or even greet them and bid them good bye. If yours does, appreciate it because it reaches a stage you will start missing it.

Maybe after being exclusive you decided that all that time and energy you had been wasting in getting her should go back to work since you have achieved your goal we should go back to the things that matter. So you stopped spending time with her except for the crumbs you could manage. Problem is you did not tell her. Let me explain something. Women are very para-… let us go with imaginative instead of paranoid.  If you do not give her an explanation she is going to come up with her own and chances are they are not going to be in your favor. If you are going to spend more time at work, tell her and explain it to her. Tell her she is the reason you have to now become focused. She will not be angry but will be more understanding.

The things that brought you together are the things that you should maintain and build on for a relationship to be that really good that you want. If they deteriorate, your spouse also deteriorates.

You do not have to wait for it to become bad so that you try fix it. Maintain it and look for new things if you cannot keep one working. If you can no longer afford weekly date nights then save up well for her birthday or monthly trips to make up for it. THAT IS HOW IT WORKS.

A simple lesson in psychology-partners mimic each other in a relationship. Women are the most brutal when it comes to mimicking your actions. You want to be an a**, she will add the hole in that word. If you want to be miserly then she will show you how miserly she can get with everything: affections, respect, care and doing the simple things. Before you know it they are gone and that is when you know it is getting bad.

If you want your relationship to change for the better, then you should change your attitude and actions then she just might follow suit.

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