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What if your husband was your boss?

18 August 2015, 15:01 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - What if your husband was your boss?

Would it work or not?

One would let the other win. Not as spouses. But it would be either the marriage works and the career suffers. Or your career suffers and the marriage works.

That is why all people who have romantic entanglements are advised to not continue working together. If you have been trying to make your relationship work under this circumstances then you will understand why there is a strain. No one will openly talk about it between the two of you because no one wants to be the bad guy. No one wants to be the one that is holding back the other person’s career. No one wants to say what they are actually thinking because you do not want your spouse to take it negative. If you say it, there is always that feeling at the back of their mind, are they jealous of me? Why don’t they want me to improve?

It works in the beginning but that tension builds and you do not want to be the one to burst it. If left for a long while either you will lose your career or lose your husband, take a pick!

You normally focus on the little things like, what will everybody else think? Am I being favored above the rest? Truth is you most probably because everybody will tiptoe around you so that it does not get to the boss and they get fired or there is some passive aggressive action like them getting horrible tasks for what they do to you.

Go back to the home ground and take it out of the office. At times, you want to ask for advice from your husband like other wives do. You can’t because you two came up with a stupid rule about not bringing work at home. So it is still a problem. You feel frustrated.

If you are passed up on a promotion at work, you think, maybe it is their doing so that you spend more time at home and not at work. When you are passed up on the bigger roles, your line of reasoning takes the same course. You think that, he does not want me to get it because I will spend less time at home during the duration of the project. Which can be true.

There will always be a conflict of interest because no matter how much you tell yourself you agreed that they will not interfere with your work, they are going to think like a husband. He knows what the role entails. How many times you will have to take work trips and not be at home. Who you are going to be working with and are they philanderers. Are you going to have time for him and your children? Or are you going to be an absentee wife and mother.

When the decision is made and you stay stagnant at work, this are the same questions going through your mind. You do not ask them because you are betting on honesty and trust. Everyone else around you knows it and senses it but they are not going to be the ones to bring it up. The tension builds and with it, your marriage also suffers.

You let it because you are trying to cling to both yet it is not working. One rule, when you are married, do not let your husband be your boss if you want your marriage to work. Take the conflict of interest out of the way because it is going to be there whether you admit it or not.

It ruins a good marriage because it makes you doubt your husband. It makes you be passive aggressive towards them at home because of imagined slights from work. You will carry your work home, whether you like it or not. You will want to share your issues with them and when you can’t, it will make you angry. You will look for that at some place else. Another man and that is how castles start falling.

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