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What if your family hates him?

20 August 2015, 18:24 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - I will tell you one thing: family will not marry them, live with them, deal with your feelings with them, and go through the bad and the good times and any other thing that comes up in a relationship.

You have to be the one that chooses your partner. It is good that they have an opinion or want to have a say but it is your life and you are the one that is going to have to deal with it on a daily basis and wake up to it.

You will look stupid if your relationship or marriage does not work out with the one family chose for you and your excuse is, ‘but my mother said or my father said’. It is good to listen to advice but I would hope that you are mature enough to know yourself and know who the right partner for you is. That is why marriage is for adults and not adolescents. While they were picking out your partner for you, you did not remember that they would continue living their lives as they would have normally and you would have been living, eating and sharing with this new situation. They would have been waking up to their situation which you did not have a say in but you are the one that has to contend with being lonely and alone because you listened to people who were just being petty and malicious.

If your family does not like your partner, you like your partner. So you have to be his or her champion and tell, ‘yes, I appreciate you coming to me with this. It is noted but I would also appreciate if you respected my decision’. Family is like some type of venomous snake with fangs. Take the fangs out and they basically become harmless. That is what you need to do when it comes to your partner being picked on, criticized, looked down on, disrespected and torn down. If you allow it, you are to blame for making a good situation that was working well for you become bad.

You need to know how to put your foot down when it comes to some decisions and what you are trying to build with your new family. Boundaries should be established and teach them what you see what you see in your partner. They might not like change but they will get accustomed to it. They will get over it and find some new relative to pester. That is just how it works.

Allow it. You will be the one that will either be left. Be alone. Or have the wife from the village. The villagers will go back to their homestead, but you will be the one that has to deal with the aftermath.


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