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What do you want in a relationship?

16 July 2015, 18:39 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - Some of us. Some of you, for all your dedication in finding the ‘one’ you do not even know what you want.

And just from that, you do frustrate your partner-the one you have at the moment by making them run around the circles that you keep drawing and erasing. At some point you confuse them and they wonder if it is them or just you. This is when people say,’ he/ she changed!’

Just a simple test, nothing serious. Something to let us know if you are the black sheep. Consider over the past few months or even over the course of a whole year, how many partners have you changed? If we want to be progressive we can also consider how many partners you have had since you started ‘seriously’ dating. I am not a mathematician but am sure if you look at your own numbers you will have a bright clue on where you stand.

We will not consider the usual because who does not want a caring, reliable, responsible or smart and intelligent person as their partner? We all do. So your list should not have things such as hard working, cooperative and compromising as your needs because we all need and want the same. If we all have such a list then it means the partners that we want and are looking for are easily interchangeable and replaceable. But we know it is not because it heavily relies more on your personality, habits and character among other things.

So when you look at the things you are considering in the person who should be your partner, do you even have an idea or did you just google it?

One minute this person suited you well enough and the next you want them out of your house and out of your life. One minute they are ticking all the boxes that you had put down but you are no longer ‘feeling’ them that much so you end it. What is wrong?

I will tell you. You are wrong.

You do not know what you want. In turn it is causing you to choose partners that are actually ready to be something with you but because you are not sure, you make them chase their tail in efforts of figuring out how to make it work with you.

The worst thing that you and do to a person or people is picking them up and throwing them down like dirty socks every time they are around.  You were with a person, broke up with them, you ran the mile and did not find anything so because they are still single, you convince them that you are ready to try again. They put in time, energy, effort and all their heart into it just for you to wake up again and say, ‘this is not working like I hope it would!’ So what do you want them to do with that? They might have passed up some good rib eye for your miserable flank for you to waste them again? That is how people get stabbed.

To avoid all that and for you to stop just sit down and really think about it. Go on a few dates, no, not be in a few monthly relationships. I have said dates. Be alone. Whichever helps you figure it out. In the end, you will be a lot happier in being in something (s) that was more meaningful even though it did not last than something meaningless that makes you more frustrated.

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Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

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