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What do women really want?

08 May 2015, 18:56 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - I am not writing for the entire Kenyan women population, we are different-all of us. I cannot say what is going on in the other women’s minds. I might try to get a clue but I will not entirely have it figured out.

I think that you have probably heard or come across that saying, ‘If she is happy, you are happy and therefore your life is happy!’ what man does not want to be happy and have a happy life? That is why they are committed to not being committed because he at times looks at his friend who was once a jolly fellow looking like he has a constant frown on his face. His forehead looks like it has tracks on it. You know he is always worrying what his wife or girlfriend is all about.

So a man sits down and wonders, if I get her, how can I get her to be happy, so that I am happy and therefore I enjoy this marriage or relationship and not look like a job*.

Now that is where I think you get it wrong, that is why a lot of people are unsatisfied in a relationship. You do all the things that you are told to do for her but she is still not happy. You agree with everything she says, so that you do not have to argue. In the end, she has someone at the office who makes her mind click by standing up to her. She ends up finding the stimulation she needs outside and you are left wondering why she cheated yet you were doing everything according to the book. What she wants so that she is happy!

It is hard to figure out what makes a woman happy. Take me for example, I am at times sure what it is and other times I am completely clueless because it is no longer what I want. I wake up not knowing where my mind is it actually catches up with me halfway through the day when I have been battling with my confusion. I take ages to wake up. I might be walking but my mind is not there yet. What I thought I would like to happen when I left the house changes as soon as I sit to work.

That is what the men have never understood; she said this is what she wanted yesterday, you bring it then she frowns at it because she does not want it anymore. Women change minds, that is why we need someone who has his own mind and can stand up for himself so that we respect his side of things as well. That is what we call compromising. So if you had something in mind that YOU actually thought out, it is best to take your approach rather than seek my confirmation first.

Is she doing her part as well? You are working for her happiness, but what she done for you lately that showed she actually cared about you? Or is she a drama queen who thinks that she deserves everything served to her by YOU on a silver platter. The one who thinks she should be at the center stage of everything otherwise it cannot work. She does not ask you about your day, what you did, what makes you tick, why she should respect your opinions and ideas and understand why you cannot support her stupid notions. Compromise people, compromise. That is what actually creates the happiness you are looking for in a relationship. You need to find someone who is on level as yourself and is open minded in her thinking. Someone who is willing to meet you halfway.

That way you do not get tired of making her happy and she does not get tired of trying to make you happy. Meaning that she actually has to have your best interests at heart but if she is all about me, then you two are not going anywhere unless you want your forehead to look like Job’s. She has to have the word us in her vocabulary and not me. That is the only way you can be happy in a relationship or a marriage.  Do not sacrifice your happiness just because an old adage told you to do so because you become bitter, you make her bitter and in the end it all falls apart because of the disappointment. You are left clueless as to what happened because you did everything by the book rather than your book.

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