What I want in a man
11 May 2015, 18:38
Nairobi - Someone asked me today who my ideal man was and to be honest I had no idea. Most people have a list, I do not have one. In fact, at times I can try come up with one but it will fail because I will name a maximum of five things but I will still feel like it’s so short and unproductive. Keep in mind I am not talking about the physical although there’s that one that I never leave out is height-you must be tall.
There is this one rule that people like putting a lot of over emphasis-opposites attracting! It may work for some but I think it is just a matter two people figuring out how to enjoy spending time with each other.
For example an introvert and an extrovert with completely different interests. That will most definitely not work. The extrovert will want the introvert to go out while the introvert will always be uncomfortable in the other’s surrounding. It is that simple really.
It is far more important to look for compatibility in a relationship-part of the reason I do not have a list. I build it as I go along with the person. People are always springing things on you-YOU always spring things on people. You can imagine if something came up that you was not on your list, you do not know how to deal with it because it is just not on the list.
I am all for planning, hence the list, in order to avoid failure but I also do think that it is part of the reason that a lot of people’s relationships fail.
You need to look for compatibility with your partner. How they react to you and how you react to them. There are people you just enjoy talking to, being in silence with and having a good time with them.
Then there is the variety that we have all encountered. The former is usually harder to come across. If you are in a relationship where you have to tiptoe around you partner to avoid setting them off. You are in it with the person that you have to fill the silence in order to avoid awkwardness. Both of you cannot enjoy each other’s interests. Let me explain this one because a lot of people get it wrong. Just because you do not enjoy sports does not mean that you cannot enjoy it with your partner. It is about you enjoying it with them because you like their company. Let me also add shopping so that it does not look one sided.
I have gone to a football pitch, had no clue what was happening. At one point I cheered for the opposing team because I was that clueless in not understanding the at home jersey is different from the away from home jersey. But I had fun and enjoyed myself because my partner was there and was enjoying himself. That is compatibility. You make the side jokes, or ogle and people watch and eat messy food because you are already there and you might as well just have fun.
It is also about having a different experience with them, you cannot look for people with the same interests as you only, and you are creating a foundation for boredom and misunderstandings because you are trying too hard to figure out ways to make it work. Also part of the reason I do not have a list. That is why I am open to being burned a couple of times, because that is the only way I will figure out what it is I actually want and value when I am in a relationship. As long as I can enjoy myself in your company, you are in because I cannot fake enjoyment, I promise you that.
Some of you should try it sometimes not for experimenting but it might open you up a little more to things you had never considered. What am I going for: compatibility with my partner. So far I only have one thing on my list.
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