Washing dishes will not get you the man ladies
10 September 2014, 13:10
Nairobi - Let’s call my friend Sam* I will not reveal his age because I do not think he is in the marriageable bracket. He is a platonic friend, every time we have a conversation he will tell me to drop by his house to wash his clothes. And every time I go for a visit at his house he is trying to make me wash utensils.
" I am not your girlfriend, why are you trying to wife me with those shady methods", I usually ask.
Obviously, I do not do the chores and then he tries to proclaim, "Who are we going to marry? Wasichana wa siku hizi" (Women of these days). At this juncture I just laugh at him because I am sure that when his male friends come over, they do none of these tasks. And that is what I am about. Most guys like thinking that they can have every female friend they have. It is not because they want you. It is just because you exist in his circle and curiosity gets the better of him. The mystery of you. If that is what you want, then the ball is in your court.
Thing is, this is where most of us Kenyan women get it wrong. You end up deluding yourself that as long as he is spouting all that nonsense he really does want you. Wrong. Do not think that if you bend over washing his clothes, or dirty dishes, he will finally see you and value you. He will have you and as soon as the mystery is over, you are left doing the dishes while he scouts for his better woman. The way to a Kenyan man’s heart is not through his dirty laundry or dishes. If you want a meaningful relationship, you do not need to seek approval like a dog fetching. I can wash dishes and do all that, but I will do it when I am the girlfriend and not before. And I had better be blinded with worshipful love, otherwise I am not playing that ball game.
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The Kenyan man has his own set of rules that are in his head, that he would like you to live by, if you want him, you need to follow them;
You shall be submissive
Does not matter if you are the breadwinner, and he the househusband. What he says goes, apparently, us Kenyan women are too hardheaded. In my books, his should get harder especially when you intend to lord it on me. If you wanted me to roll over every time you did not want to be nay-said, you should have gotten a dog, not me.
You will allow me as many wives as I want
I do not like sharing, my sister hates it, my mother abhors it; guess we know where that came from. The new ‘in-thing’ in Kenya is being a second, third or even fourth wife. I cannot share my space, how am I meant to share a man. It is the rare Kenyan women who can do it.
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Your life should revolve round me
Once you get your Kenyan man, he comes first…and then you.
At times you are told, honesty is the best in relationships but I think our guys like being lied to. They would rather you give them a sweet rather than a pill to swallow. You know that Super Rugby is on that weekend, you are persona non grata in such an event. So you make plans of your own and decide to go for the party. Dare you tell the guy you are going someplace without him where there will be other men and it is not a girl’s night out. It is better to just keep it to yourself to avoid the provocation that will ensue if you tell the truth. Just tell him you are visiting relatives or something, anything else will just cause a rift.
No relations of any kind
I understand this one when they want to come every day of the week and drop in at any time. But our Kenyan guy takes it a tad bit too far. They do not like those visits where your clan comes for an extended visit. Eat his food, over use all manner of amenities-water, electricity, groceries. His space... Your relatives’ better visit you once a year and they had better keep it short.
This list is endless I have my own set of rules, but that is a topic for another day. Regardless to say, Sam* found a solution to our plague, he is going to go look for a woman in the rural areas, ‘a mshamba’, (ignorant) that is what he called her. I told him he better hope she comes with a manual. Better the devil you know than the angel you don’t.
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