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Valentines Day tips for the 'Mpango wa Kando'

10 February 2015, 14:08 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - I do not think I will ever leave this man alone especially when it involves him juggling the many women he has in his life; Danson Mungatana. He has three wives, I am not sure if all three got a wedding but I was done writing about V-day until a thought occurred to me. One, I like this guy because he has tried to do all his philandering above board, he knew he is not good at keeping secrets so if a beauty catches his eye, he just wifes her. Then gain 2. It got me wondering, how does his V-day look like? You know, the thing about the mistress is that she will be sorted either on the 13th or 15th or at a later date. But some men in Kenya, like Mungatana, have all their women lined up because they decided to be legal about it.

Maybe they are all mature and do not put too much stock on the day, but a woman is still a woman and she expects something. Even though she has hated you over the last year, has been angry at you for a while; she will expect something. He has his cake cut out for him because he has a busy weekend with a day set aside for each one or maybe one will have breakfast, the other lunch and the other dinner. Trick is, the one that gets the 14th is the favorite and the other two will be losing which will make up for double discomfort for him. Because I am not seeing all of them sitting at a table and having a cozy dinner all together.

The following are reasons why the 14th can be such a bad day for a lot of mpango wa kandos.

It is a reminder of the position you hold on the mantle

Like on a fireplace in the living room or that place where you place your family photos, you have that one photo that has been given a place of distinction. It has a bigger frame, or is higher than the rest. The same applies with the wife and the side chick. She gets the first priority when it comes to such occasions and it serves as a constant reminder to the mpango wa kando that she will always be second to her no matter how much he professes the opposite. 

You cannot complain

The married women and the legit girlfriends have the right to be disgruntled about any stunts this man pulls. They will also have a shoulder to lean on and be consoled if they are wronged. She (side chick) on the other hand cannot do the same because she will not receive pity but judgment and scorn because what she is doing is wrong. Does not matter the explanations the mpango wa kando gives because she lost the right to complain by being with a taken man.

Pretending that you do not like the day

 Your sister has a man to go to, your best friends have a man to go to, and basically most women around you will have someone to spend it with. So while they are there gushing and being excited you have to pretend that you have better things to do or places to be because you will be alone while they are not.

If anything exciting happens for you it is because someone else’s plans crashed and burned

If you are a side chick have plans that do not involve other people because what happens is that the only way your plan with your friend or your sponsor works out is if their dates crash and burn. So all the side chicks are currently crossing fingers that ‘her’ man’s woman will have an important business trip or meeting or will fall sick or have a morbid accident. If not, she is praying that one of her friend’s men cancels so that she can throw a pity party and justify why she chose to be with a taken man. Because all men are dogs, at least ‘hers’ is open about it.

Valentine’s Day is about love, what you do destroys the very definition of love

Another reason ampango wa kando cannot complain, she cannot justify why he should spend lover’s day with her. What she does with him rarely involves the real love St Valentine died for because she gets sponsored for what she is doing. She destroys what is another woman’s right.

That being said, if you are a man, you are justified to not show up at the mpango wa kandos because either way just show up with something expensive and it will be forgotten. It is Danson that I am not sure how he will take care of all his women on this day. Chances are he is bound to anger all of them unless he can get all of them in a room together.

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