Unhappy in your relationship?
23 June 2015, 15:22
Nairobi - Not that it works like instant coffee neither is it as
productive but the point is at times when you are looking to be in a
relationship it can get away with you at times. At times you are not even
looking to be in one but just want the benefits but you are too selfish to let
the other person know what you are about. In some cases you already know what
you want but it is so hard not to want to fit into that pre-ordained box that
society has consigned for you that you overlook your needs just to fit in. So
my recipe is simple really and brings me to the following.
Understand what it is you want
You can pretend to know what you want but most of you
actually do not know what you want. That translates as an extension of you not
knowing yourself and hence you chasing after the wrong people to be in a
relationship with. Yes, they are good but you just do not understand why they
never seemed to work.
A simple answer would be because they were just not the
right person for the relationship that you really need. Let me not be confused
with that saying about, ‘someone being
made for you’. I do not believe in it just from the simple premise of, what
you are telling me is that when someone is widowed at twenty, they should lack
for companionship? What if they live to sixty? They should stay single up until
Understand what it is you want now, in your current state or
situation/ circumstance. If not now, what will you want or expect in the future
when you want to be with someone.
Is it a one night stand, a friend with benefits
relationship, a child only and no strings attached for the other person? Or
both of you want a child but not a relationship? Do you want something serious
or you are just passing time? What are you doing and what is it that you want?
Once you come to terms with that then you are headed in the right direction in
terms of fulfillment.
Do not choose to be with someone who is flighty for a
commitment relationship. You know them, you know you are not suited, yes, you
enjoy being around each other but if they are not suited for what you want, why
choose them and cry wolf later?
Do not use someone who wants to be in a committed
relationship for a friends with benefits or flings. Do not say you were upfront
with them, do not give them room to keep waiting for you when you know your heart
is not there. Having a fall back person in your life is the reason so many
people choose to settle after sowing oats because they were just always there!
Do not be angry if you do not find fulfillment with them because you made the
choice to stick around and just be.
You may want to be married in future, you have already seen
that the persons around you are not well suited to the job, I am all for
cultivation but do not cultivate the wrong crops in the wrong soil that is how
you end up with bad produce.
If they are not what you want, leave them be and continue
being you until the right person that is what you want comes along. That is how
the right kind of relationships are built.
Know self, which will let you know what you what, which in
turn is what will form what you want in a relationship and in the end help you
make the right choice when it comes to your partners.
Understand that it was your choice to be with them
If you were not held in some room forcefully, gagged and
tagged to someone’s waist or any other forceful means then reconcile with the
fact that it was your choice to be with that person.
Keep making the wrong choices and you will keep ending up in
the wrong relationships. Keep making the wrong choices and you will keep ending
up with the wrong person. It is not their fault but yours too.
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