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To date by tribe or not?

05 November 2014, 17:11 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - Parents always know what is best for their children; and after they grow up parents still know what is best for them.  I told my mother I am going to marry whomever pleases me when that time reaches. But she had a list of demands. It is not financially stable, secure, considerate or any of that. Neither is it tall, dark and handsome-that tagline has even gotten too old for them. Tribalism has a lot of reaches even within the family; my mother enumerated the number of tribes I could marry into and which ones I was not even allowed to interact with. And for each tribe she had her pros and cons even her own TRIBE-she made sure she was not biased in this.

But for me that is just too much pressure because when you are dating someone the last thing on your mind is their tribe or even nationality. The thing about dating is you just want to get to know the other person and have a good time with them.  But the parents just takes out the fun in all of it because they also come in with their list of demands and prejudices. You can excuse yourself and say that you are the one who is dating this person at the end of the day so what others think does not matter. Thing is it creates a niggling doubt at the back of your head. Worst case scenario, it goes down badly; and the way a parent predicted. In terms of their characteristics, how they do their things, taboos and customs.  That just makes you question your sense of judgment and makes you wonder what if maybe they are right.

Read also: 3 awful truths about sex

I really do not like stereotyping and when a parent stereotypes, it is the worst thing and tribalism is a large case of stereotyping. We have like forty-two tribes and my own mother could only manage one tribe that all her daughters could marry into. Otherwise we are better off with foreigners. So at the back of my mind I am asking myself should I move out of Kenya to have a good cultural integration or I just stay in Kenya and be doomed. Do I date within my tribe, of course I am not going to and I am going to do what I want but I would like support even if it goes down the drain. I do not want someone telling me I told you so, you cannot toe the line when it comes to creating healthy relationships, especially in this day and age where you interact with a vast number of people. You cannot screen people like a social version of Ebola.

You have to just get in there and be dirty; that is the only way you ever learn and get something good.

So would you make the same informed choice or will you fall to the same pre- conceived trap?

Decision is yours.

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Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

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