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To tell a man his sex game is bad.. Or not?

27 July 2015, 14:06 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - Every day, every time I am talking to a girlfriend I am constantly thinking of ways of her keeping her relationships by showing her how to beat around the bush (read lie) where her man is concerned. I do not know why they come to me with these questions and stories of theirs but I will just go with maybe I missed a profession as a really good therapist. Or a man will go with I am a really good liar-which I am not by the way. I have just learnt how much easier it is to tiptoe and cater to a man’s ego and stay winning.

Let me start you off with a story. I have very funny friends and acquaintances by the way and they always keep me entertained, or I make them entertaining. You can choose which one.

One such friend is a really Christian girl, goes to church every Sunday, does not drink and also does not lie but that may also be because she has an ego and does not cater to any men. All the way from the Coast and you know how blunt Coastal women can get especially when it comes to your sex game. Now she was on the prowl for a boyfriend, like the majority of you or is it us? She got one recently and she just had to ruin it after they went to bed together. She did not like the experience, was hurting the whole time and even cried. You know me, I had to ask, ‘why would you let an experience that you can enjoy hurt you when you can just open your mouth and say what is not working for you?’ She tells me in typical woman-girl fashion, ‘you just wait for it to end'. I told her that is nonsense and if that is how she has been going through life, then she is not the Coastal woman I thought she was.

After her episode with her beau, he went underground after she told him his game was terrible and she did not want to see his d*** ever again and they should just remain friends. How beautiful is it for a man to be friend zoned, in his house, while still but naked and thinking he gave it his best? She came to me to ask why he was not speaking to her again. I had to do some damage control for her and tell her what she can and cannot tell her man. Believe me, she is older than me by three years but had a stunned look the whole time asking me why she should lie. I told her it is not lying.

Look at it this way, every man that is interested in you and has been waiting for the deed to happen hopes he will be the best you ever had. You do not go around telling him how he is small for you. He knows his size, no matter what you think and you are not a virgin. It is also not up to you to relay that information if you are hoping to keep the relationship. You just have to go with words like, ‘You feel really good!’ Simple, short, no lie and you are also not chattering away, that is normally a plus when you are having sex. No man wants to be inside you while you talk his ear off. He wants to think that he is driving you crazy enough that you cannot form two coherent sentences. When you chatter that is 0 on his score card.

Move this way. No do not move like that. I do not like that at all. That is a no go zone. Being the traffic police in the bedroom is also a 0 for you. You can give suggestions though if something is not working. I am not saying shut up, cry and keep the pain. I am saying be in the situation and if something is not working for you; let him know and tell him an alternative way of going about it. Hopefully you know the man before you jumped into the sack and you will not offend with a misplaced comment like my dear friend.

She is yet to bite anything but I am sure I will hear about it. Some man will need some saving after that relationship.

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