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This man is killing me softly

12 May 2015, 18:27 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - You know the way there is a VIP section in an event or club, where only the VVIPs are allowed to get in but not the common folk, I have a habit of going to the VIP section. I usually enter too by the way. It has sort of given me a very big head about myself though. Can be both a good thing and a bad thing.

Especially when I am dealing with people. It is a good thing when it comes to my confidence and self-esteem.

But, it is a bad thing when it comes to me going after what I want especially if it is a person.

I can play you false and give you a false story but I will just run with the truth. You cannot see me either way and you can laugh at your heart’s content without me feeling any type of way.

Yesterday, I was having a moment with a man. He is the VIP section that I am talking about and I am the commoner folk that dared to trespass. I got admitted into the section just that not on my terms and not the way I wanted.

I knew that this guy was in the market for a girlfriend and me knowing all the better service that you get from being in the VIP, I was not going to not try get into it.

So, we have been carrying on for a while on the phone, texting on WhatsApp and sending voice recordings. All those things that technology enables you to do without actually meeting the person. So for a while it was at a peak, casual and friendly.  After a while, I normally get bored with dealing with you through faceless interactions. I decided it was past time we got together. I have been trying to set it up and the guy is always busy. I have been trying to accommodate him and make the schedule about him, still he was busy. Finally I got tired of it and stopped asking or bothering.

But he has this bad habit of popping up when I have made a resolution not to bother or interact with him. Worst part is, it is so genuine that I fall into that trap again. Then I start to obsess. I hate it when something gains my obsession because it takes my loyalty. In other words, other interactions with men are cancelled out. That is the part I hate.

You know me, I have no time to dither and waste my time second guessing myself. I will leave that to the rest of you. So, I asked the man point blank, ‘What are we doing? What are you doing? What am I doing? Am I bothering you?’ The reason I asked is because, he had texted while I was at work to ask if he could call. Since it was not a good time, I told him I could not speak but asked about his day instead. He went quiet, the rest of the day. See how he messes with me? Now I am obsessing what happened to him. I did not like that, that is why I had to put a stop to this shenanigans.

Anyway, he answers while I am online if he can call. I say yes since I was at home but he goes quiet again. I get bored sleeping, so I was on my laptop and went online again, he asks if I am awake. I am not a dramatic individual, so I just simply say, ‘Yes!’ He sends me a voice recording instead. I did not latch on it immediately. I was immediately wary and apprehensive wondering what was in it. I decided to just go ahead. To cut a long story short, he told me how he was ready but at the same time not yet fully committed for a relationship at the moment. He cannot lie to me or string me along because he knew I was fully committed. Told me how amazing I was and wanted us instead of rushing it, to ‘BUILD’ and see where this went.

Now, I wrote this article for the ladies, I know you hear what I am about to list all the time. Truth is we never follow this advice. I am even doubting if I will follow this advice. I deleted that number, irony is, I have crammed it so I normally save it back-pulling a Mary Jane all the time.

Advice No. 1 If a man wants you, he will never be too busy to make time for you.

Advice No. 2 If a man is single and wants to be with you he will want to commit to you. When a man gives you an excuse. It is as simple as, HE JUST DOES NOT WANT THAT COMMITMENT WITH YOU!

Advice No. 3 Do not waste your time waiting to BUILD. If someone else comes up, go for it. You will waste your years even month building on false hope yet he just does not want you and is too afraid to tell you. That is why he did not call in my case. He was afraid I would scream or screech or get teary. I just said, ‘Thank you for being honest!’ He did not understand I had made my own deductions from the whole thing. I did not feel the need to explain myself.

Be clever and do the same for yourself. When you want to get needy and call that number, send ten texts that get no reply, this is the time you eat ice-cream, take shots of whisky or binge on whatever you want. Get busy on something else other than your phone.

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