Things I will NEVER do for love
04 June 2015, 12:06
Nairobi - Sometimes my mother and I sit down and have our little chats
when we are not arguing about something. You have to understand in a female
household there is always something to be argued about.
I remembered thinking about a friend of mine who was talking
to me about her boyfriend and his latest childish antics. She is not a wife
yet, but just a girlfriend. Having dated for a couple of years, she had settled
into doing chores for the supposed ‘gentleman’. Now, the latest addition was
laundry and she figured since she was staying at his house why not help out?
She asks for the laundry it is deposited in the basket, at the bottom there is
underwear, she ignores it and washes the rest. In her mind though every time
she looks at the remaining contents that she has not deigned to touch she is
wondering whether he made a mistake or he intentionally put it there. She
closes her mind to it but a week later he has not touched it meaning he
actually left it there for her to wash. Puzzled, she comes and asks me what I
would do. Obviously I said, hell no! I am not washing no man’s underwear. It is
enough that you are doing wife duties without a ring but putting the child back
in the womb, hell to the no! When you are putting it all in a machine like in
the movies, there is no problem but bent over and doing it with the hands, it
puts some kind of crassness to the whole situation.
So we were in agreement but as I was watching a movie with
my mother I had to tell her about this absurdity thinking that she would be in
agreement. With all the outrage I could master I narrate the story. My mother
gives me a frank stare, you know the ones they give you when they are about to
burst your bubble and she says, ‘do you know what I have done for this man you
call your father?’ Obviously she was not talking about cooking some Ugali.
Since I did not want to know about anyone washing anyone’s underwear for love,
especially when it is your parents, I ignored her.
Would I do the same for the man I love? I do not know I am
not even sure if I have ever fallen in love because when I think of at least
one relationship I was in. Everyone washed their own but there is such a cancer in our Kenyan households; where
the men once they have you in that situationship, ring or no ring, they forget
completely how to tend to themselves.
Brush the shoes, I can brush them as long as I am brushing
mine; but rousing me up from the bed to even locate them yet they are in your
section of the closet, have you become blind? Stirring someone’s tea while I
also struggle to dress, what happened to your hands? At least I have made the
We already do the laundry, clean house, wash utensils, and
even wake you up. Is that not enough though? If we are just looking at the
small things and not the big things that we already do. Let us not even get
into house husbands.
Washing underwear, if that is what makes me wife material,
then I am sorry for myself because I do not think I am wife material. In my
head I am thinking what is so hard about washing your own underwear while you
are in the bathroom.
Although I am one to talk, you should not listen to my
advice at times. I write a damn good speech but walking the walk might be a
Let me put it this way, if a man treats you like a queen, he
then deserves to be treated like a king. On the other hand, if he wants to act
like you are a doormat, he can be the washrag. If there is none of that earlier
on in the relationship, do not think that by washing even him that you will
change him. Your good treatment should be there from the get go.
So, you are the one who will know what concessions you are
willing to make for your man and what works for you. In my opinion, my friend
should have never asked for my advice in the first place because she had
already made the decision she just needed someone to convince her it was the
right thing to do.She was not going to be the first Kenyan lady to wash
underwear neither would she have been the last. I am just waiting for the right
man that will come along, that I will be so blindly in love and in lust my
sense of touch will not be against washing his underwear!
In my opinion.
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