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There is no perfect partner, no perfect relationship

17 February 2015, 14:15 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - There is nothing such as a perfect couple or a perfect marriage. I am not talking about the time he forgot your anniversary; that is not an issue. I am not talking about the time she flirted with your colleague; that is not an issue (actually it is-how you take it is the difference).


You will experience every type of emotion with your partner: anger, resentment, dislike, joy (joy is usually allocated 20-30% of the time). Truth is the honeymoon phase fades out and that is when couples start asking each other whether they made the right decision. You start feeling some type of way because what everybody says is that when you find that soul mate you are meant to slide down that rainbow and find a pot full of love that you ride down to eternity. That is not what happens.


The secret to long lasting relationship is not true love, that fades sometimes it was never there in the first place. What is usually there may be infatuation, lust, ambition, greed, you name it, and nothing drives people faster to the altar than the aforementioned. The secret is hard work. One day your spouse or partner is happy the next they are moody. One day they are making money the next they have no idea what happened to that investment. One day you wake up and you do not like how they look and what they do or even their character or behavior. You now wish you had gone with John rather than Tim that is how lazy people operate. Even worse when you are married you are thinking divorce.


I said it is hard work because in a relationship you have to keep finding something new that makes you think that the partner you are with was worth it in the first place. A lot of us go into marriages or relationships with a smoke screen in front of our face thinking that the up and down you will ever experience might be a temporary hurdle that you can get over. That is not true though; someone will cheat, someone will lose the family money, someone will get an STD and infect the other one, someone will not feel like being intimate anymore, another one is a serial troublemaker. How you handle all this situations is how you come to realize that a relationship can be hard work. That is how the traditional and older folks survived. They did not have all these options that we currently have.


That is how someone ends up getting married five times even because they keep looking for something that they will never find; the perfect partner. No such person exists because a lot of people who are making it work have learnt to compromise and adapt.  Even the Kiunas I am sure have to work at it. If anything I am sure Cathy has to pray Sunday morning before she bashes someone’s head in since he has a sermon to give.


- MyNews24

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