The mother in-law from hell
08 June 2015, 13:22
Nairobi - I figured, since we like talking about men and their man
troubles, we have to include another one that we never talk about.
See how women have a problem with the men and their
mother’s, we also have men who pass through hell with their wives and the
mother to their wives. Their mother in law!
We have mothers who run the homes for their daughters.
Daughters who do not do anything without their mother’s consent. It is cute
when she is in the cradle or when she is a teenager and she needs to ask for
permission before leaving the house.
What is not cute is when she is now in her own household and
her husband has to get permission from the mother. Let me explain it this way!
The daughter is the agent, the man is the principal but the
daughter as the agent has a conflict of interest who comes in the shape of her
mother. In business terminology, it is about making money but when it comes to
a marriage and the man needs something done, the wife is the one who gets to
handle that part of his life for him. The problem comes in though when the
daughter depends on her mother’s advice but it is taken as far as her mother’s
word being the final word in everything.
You know as women, we might complain about the mother-in-law
when she crosses a line and we will know how to handle the situation when it
comes up. But, what about the men and them trying to handle their mother-in-law
when she crosses the line. It is easy to sit a man down and tell him how he
needs to grow up and stop suckling at his mother’s breast. If he wants to, he
can snap out of it! On the other hand, when you are trying to cut off the cord
between a daughter and her mother when they are that close (close to the extent
of passing every decision through her) you have a nuclear war in the making.
A woman can go and sit her mother in law down, lay down the
rules and tell her off. Let us try see a man sit his mother in law down. First
of all how does he get that situation to come up without the daughter, his
wife, being around?
In some African cultures, a man cannot even hug his own
mother-in-law, forget what you see on the television or on some Nollywood. In
my own tribe they should not be passing each other in any corridor. Her
sleeping area has to be secluded when she comes to visit.She cannot sit where
he sits! It is that much of a taboo.
A man expects that when he has a wife, it is a marriage, of
two people not three. It can be hard when you try to do something with your
wife but she cannot give you an answer because she and her mother need to
marinade over your idea. It can be hard when you try to make an investment or
do business with a wife who takes her mother’s say so as the ultimate final
answer. A business can be flushed down the drain because her mother does not
like the looks of it. When a mother manages her daughter’s finance, you have
incoming trouble as the man who is married to her or who will marry her!
Let us take a tour in the homestead. If she is running to
her mother to talk about your sex life, you are in trouble son! If she is just
a girlfriend, run the other direction. The only people a woman should talk
about your sex life to is her gynaecologist or your family doctor. If not them,
a ssenga or a sexologist if you like
spicing things up!
If she is telling her mother about your latest mishap, I can
feel your embarrassment, all the way from here in Kajiado! It is abit off
putting to sit at the same dinner table and get that knowing look from your
mother-in-law. It is even trickier when it is the talk of her (mother-in-law’s)chama sessions and you meet them at the
church and they all have that look!
The worst is when the both of them feel like it is the
modern times. Now let me put it this way so that I do not get into any
feminists nerves. When you are married, there are certain household duties that
come with you being married. I am not saying anyone should be anyone’s donkey
or doormat, but as a woman we all need to know how a household is run. If you
have a maid, or need to call someone, there is nothing wrong with that, I will
also admit I like having a maid around. It is easier knowing that you do not
have to ruin your fresh manicure.
The modern mother-in-law will ask her daughter to ask you to
pay them an allowance for managing the household that the daughter lives in
too. I am not talking about the household money, but the extra you need to give
your wife that she shares with the said mother. If you do not cooperate, the
atmosphere can get a little cold in the house. From you not getting any
breakfast or dinner, to you having to run your clothes yourself to the laundry.
Down to your last knickers. That is how tough some men have it out here. You
just do not here about it because it is much better for him to keep quiet
without sounding like a fool paying too much attention to a person who seems
insignificant to you. Yours may know how to mind her business but not all of
them are okay in the head.
When we talk about a woman being intelligent, men need to
realize we are talking about much more than her sitting down and talking to you
and your cronies without being flustered. We are talking about a woman knowing
herself and knowing how to handle her business without anybody’s intervention.
Having enough smarts to know when a certain line can be crossed, where she is
wrong or right and her knowing her place in your life. Because the truth is,
there is only so much time you will spend eating, and sleeping with her. Where
does the other 24hours go? You two handling various avenues of your life and
you just need to know that the person you are with is normal as well. Not lead
to your embarrassment, bankruptcy and the like.
That is how you avoid mother-in-law running your home.
Getting a smart wife who can handle her own business.
For the latest on national news, politics, sport, entertainment and more follow us on Twitter and like our Facebook page!
Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.