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The importance of single friends

17 July 2015, 17:59 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - There is a misconception that once a woman gets married she should change the company she keeps in the form of her single friends and surround herself with married women only.

Some women do not pay attention to that but sadly majority of women actually do. Do not blame it on their husbands either because at times he never had anything to do with it if he never had a problem with her friends. They were in her wedding for sanity’s sake.

You only stop keeping company with some girlfriends if they are actually bad for you or they run the risk of ruining your marriage by giving you bad advice or cheering you towards doing things just to go against what your husband might not like. But what about the other women who are not bad but are the reason that you are who you are today? Someone attractive, a go getter, someone who keeps company with smart people, someone responsible from their advice- do you want to cut them off to? Why when they played a key role in making you that great person that your husband likes.

You can cut off some of your friends and they might actually be the reason that you had it together. Not all married women are the great stuff that marriage hails them for. You can cut off the good and bring in the bad just because of a difference it title. Just because a woman has been married for 20 years does not mean that she bought some maturity along with her certificate she might actually be looking for someone to clutch onto as she is drowning and you might be it.

Just because your single girlfriend swore that she values her career more than getting family that does not make her a bad person. She might be the reason that you have been focused with your work and career. She will be the reason that you continue doing so even while you build a family. Having a husband that earns is good but your spinster friend will be the reason you want to work hard and make sure your career stays on track.

The opposite is, you get together with a few of your other married ‘ mature’ lady friends who tell you staying at home is the ‘it’ thing to do. Raising a family is more important in your life. You run back to your husband and tell him the same. You have just taken out one source of income for the family and something that your husband might have admired in you. Because someone lied to you that married friends are always right as compared to single friends who cheer you towards your goal. You start looking at her as her trying to ruin your marriage.

Your single friend will always be there for you. In a simple explanation; she has no husband and maybe children that are splitting her mind apart. So if you call her and she is available, she will be available. For advice or whatever you are worrying about. A married friend does not have to take time out for you because she has her own family to worry about. She will give you five minutes but you will be more drained and feeling alone after she leaves. I am not saying married friends are bad I am just saying they have to split hairs whether you realize it or not.

A single friend who is your age mate, sexy and still working to maintain that will push you harder to want to be the same: HEALTHY AND FIT! Women have one flaw, we always want to be the top dog even when we are not. We thrive on competition. Your single friend will give you that when it comes to maintaining your looks as compared to a matronly married friend. It is all good to think that your husband should love the inner you but you know it gives you insecurities. So if you are not comfortable in that skin you will have that single friend to look at who will encourage you to go to the gym after the pregnancy or jog more, not let your weave smell dress properly and take you shopping for the latest lingerie to vamp your sex life and not let yourself go. At the end of the day, three kids later and you will be happy about how sexy and healthy you feel, that is a win for you and a loss for everybody else.  A matronly married friend will encourage you to let yourself go and accept that you have gained weight which you can do nothing about when you actually can.

Single friends are the competition that you need to keep yourself on track. They will be a reminder of all that you promised to do and wanted to do before you got married. Those are things that made you a girlfriend to someone and someone he chose to settle with.

After it is all said and done; they make good baby sitters. They are the aunt from another mother who does not need to be paid. So when you need a date night or a time out, you call the single friend.

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- MyNews24

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