The complex of dating down
08 September 2015, 15:21
Nairobi - Dating down in relationships does not have anything to do
with social classes although a few people may choose to look at it that way.
Most relationships in today’s modern societies are defined
by what you think you are bringing to the table as compared to how the other
person makes you feel. When you see yourself as someone who is not bringing
much as compared to every other person around you, you choose a partner that is
not so well suited for you without realizing it. I am not saying you bring
personality and fold your hands because you are now a prize. It does not work
That is why a lot of us end up dating potential and being
disappointed by it.
There is good potential: the one that the person themselves
have an ambition and are constantly working toward it. Then there is the bad,
disappointing potential where you had to force ad build ambition down someone’s
throat. You choose this person because you are thinking that is you are there
with them every step of the way, they will realize that you actually make a
good team and be willing to build with you. When you are with someone that
needs you constantly to remind them where they could be, what happens when you
are not around?
You are only capable of building together with someone when
you find someone who is at par with you and not one that needs to be pushed in
order to find it. When you meet someone and you are talking to them, you can
tell a lot about them. Listen to this person and if they do not have the same
ideas as you do, then you need to let them be because you cannot save them. You
cannot go through relationships thinking of how you could save your
partners. You are wasting a lot of your
own time while you are at it. They are the ones that let you down and
disappoint you because it was never there in the first place.
You date down when you do not look for someone who will
improve you as compared to you improving them. It is good when you can do both
but I would take the former every day of the week. That is how healthy respect
is built in a relationship. You look at how far you have grown since you met
this person and it makes you appreciate them more. It does not matter if they
come from a wealthier family, better background, better social class or self
made; you need to have the confidence to go after the good things in life. The
reverse can get you some result but it also takes out a lot of wind from your
sails. After you are done, you ask yourself what you have gotten from it. If
your answer is just a ring and a man/ woman; then what? Because there has to be something more you
are gaining from being with someone. If they are gone or if they do not play
ball, you are back to square one and looking for another potential to date with
the same ‘success’ rate.
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