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The complex of dating down

08 September 2015, 15:21 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi -  Dating down in relationships does not have anything to do with social classes although a few people may choose to look at it that way.

Most relationships in today’s modern societies are defined by what you think you are bringing to the table as compared to how the other person makes you feel. When you see yourself as someone who is not bringing much as compared to every other person around you, you choose a partner that is not so well suited for you without realizing it. I am not saying you bring personality and fold your hands because you are now a prize. It does not work that way.

That is why a lot of us end up dating potential and being disappointed by it.

There is good potential: the one that the person themselves have an ambition and are constantly working toward it. Then there is the bad, disappointing potential where you had to force ad build ambition down someone’s throat. You choose this person because you are thinking that is you are there with them every step of the way, they will realize that you actually make a good team and be willing to build with you. When you are with someone that needs you constantly to remind them where they could be, what happens when you are not around?

You are only capable of building together with someone when you find someone who is at par with you and not one that needs to be pushed in order to find it. When you meet someone and you are talking to them, you can tell a lot about them. Listen to this person and if they do not have the same ideas as you do, then you need to let them be because you cannot save them. You cannot go through relationships thinking of how you could save your partners.  You are wasting a lot of your own time while you are at it. They are the ones that let you down and disappoint you because it was never there in the first place.

You date down when you do not look for someone who will improve you as compared to you improving them. It is good when you can do both but I would take the former every day of the week. That is how healthy respect is built in a relationship. You look at how far you have grown since you met this person and it makes you appreciate them more. It does not matter if they come from a wealthier family, better background, better social class or self made; you need to have the confidence to go after the good things in life. The reverse can get you some result but it also takes out a lot of wind from your sails. After you are done, you ask yourself what you have gotten from it. If your answer is just a ring and a man/ woman; then what?  Because there has to be something more you are gaining from being with someone. If they are gone or if they do not play ball, you are back to square one and looking for another potential to date with the same ‘success’ rate.

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