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Steps to becoming an independent woman

06 January 2015, 14:34 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi -  Power for a woman can be any number of things for her. It can be her money, her household or home, her family, relationships, over her friends, her lifestyle, we can even go politics, does not matter but for every woman there is something that she would rather be the one that has control over it, having that power makes content.

But what about power in a relationship, most women like thinking that they are the ones that have that when in most cases you actually do not. There has been a surge of women that want to be pampered and taken care of by the man or even men in their lives and I am not talking about their father. It is not about being taken to the few dates a week/ month, the odd present here and there or a bunch of tulips at your desk or when he comes home. It has been upgraded from that to the perfect house or apartment in the suburbs, the posh car, trips, and the allowance, all that and more. Nothing wrong with that, the problem comes in when you really have no power over your money and if that man decides to pull the plug you are basically impoverished.

You lose a little bit of respect from the man that you are with every time you go to him to beg for money even for the bare essentials because you now become a child that he is taking care of rather than the woman that he is in a relationship with. If you have a negative balance, cannot afford to pay even a month’s rent on where you live or take yourself anywhere just because he is not around then you are losing just a bit of your dignity and truth be told no man wants a woman that is 100% in his pocket because all that spark just fades. To put it in even simpler terms, let the man take care of you because he wants to rather than because you need it or have to ask for it.

Power over your relationship and keeping your man’s interest is about you being an independent entity from him. Does not matter if it is a prior arrangement or something that you gradually settled into. Have money of your own where if you want to buy yourself a drink, a new pair of shoes, or go for lunch with a girlfriend you can do that without feeling a  pinch and not have the man checking your receipts to make sure you are not spending too much.

Giving a man control only starts with your finances but is the most crucial because he will eventually start telling you what you can or cannot do, or what you like and do not like. You eventually get things on his terms alone and it will impact you emotionally when you cannot do anything for yourself. By the time he is done with you, he treats you with disrespect because he basically knows that you are not bringing anything to the table.

The best thing you can do for yourself if you are being taken care of is save up on the allowances and you do not want to be out on a rainy day with no roof over your head.

Maintain your power in the relationship by keeping your dignity and respect. Bring something to the table that way, he will always be on his toes because you are not dependent on him but someone who can think and do independently.

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