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Sorry Sauti Sol, Nerea does not exist

27 April 2015, 16:58 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - Over the past week since its release, I have been grappling with myself on whether I really want to be the one who writes an article that criticizes a song that everyone is applauding.

I was wondering how I would go about it without literally stepping on anyone’s toes but I knew there were afew I would step on wither way.

So, I went on YouTube and actually really listened to the song and wondered what this men were thinking when they wrote it. Even watched that interview they had on KTN. Interesting song, nice lyrics, good message-from a man’s perspective. I agree that some man may actually want that child to be born and take responsibility for it. But I will have to pick a bone with it.

I am going to talk about the women who were ‘Neread’ by some man. True story.

She was still in school doing her law degree, he got her pregnant. She knew that she was in trouble big time. Her dad is a scary person. So this man who got her pregnant, convinced her to keep it and he will help take care of the child. You also know it reaches a time that you cannot actually have a termination even if it is yet to show. So she kept the child. Now they had to break the news to the dad, she did it alone. She was chased out, on contacting the said ‘boyfriend’ because now was when he needed to step in and show support, the man changed the story. The baby was no longer his and she must have been messing around with other people and she wants to make him bear another man’s burden.

So, when I listen to that song Nerea I get really angry for her, and some women I know that fell into such situations handicapped them. You do not know what is going on in a woman’s head. At times, the woman does not have a choice. What do you say to a woman that was raped, is now pregnant yet to you the word abortion is vile enough because you are too busy being a hypocrite. Trust me, at times the hate manifests and it is the child who experiences it when the woman keeps the baby. Statistics in Kenya show around 450000 women get abortions in Kenya, best believe most of them are married or in a committed relationship but they took that decision in some dingy room because there were no safer ways for her to do this without getting the stigma that is attached to it by her just asking.

What do you tell a girl that was forced into incest, is now carrying the aftermath and the culprit is denying. That is what men do, deny, deny, deny. Will you tell her to keep a child from a traumatic experience?

Let me go back to talking about my friend who followed her ‘man’s’ pleas. She now had no place to go, the man had denied her did not want to see her, Lucky for her, her mother had left her money before passing, not many women have that option and I am yet to hear of good shelters for women in Kenya. So she was here having to deal with a pregnancy on her own and drop out of school when she was one semester away from graduating. Labor was traumatic and for hours on end, she had to do a C-section, still the man nowhere in sight. Not even for support. For a woman, just knowing that person is in that next room gives you strength, she did not have that. The baby is born, she literally needs help now. Good thing she knew where the man lived so she surprised him with her presence and pushed her way in.

Living with the man was a horror, he was less than concerned and even brought women back home with less care for her. She goes back home to live at her family home with a still angry father. The baby is one year old, the man comes back and starts saying how he would like to be a parent. Ata Pampers hajabeba. How does he think the baby has been surviving all those months? He now feels he is together enough to take care of the child. Motherhood does not give you a chance to be ready, the baby is coming, he or she is there and you know deep down that that man has no clue. You are not given a choice to be ready and decide, maybe next Monday I will be sure. SMH!

There is a reason that site dead beat Kenya existed. As a woman, I will tell you, it is no pleasure to find yourself in such a position where you are thinking of abortion. We do not want it, we do not care to do it. But look at the men who are busy singing Nereas to their girlfriends and wives. A woman knows what type of a man she is with and what type of a father he will make for any children that they have.

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