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Should you tell your man you met his friend first?

03 November 2015, 14:36 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi -  You met him for drinks?  That is fine. You met him for coffee? That is fine. You met him first with a handshake? That is okay.

But what about you met and you two did more than be cordial; had sex and just did more. Tell him or not tell him?

It works two ways; let me tell you. I will not lie to you and act like you should be sanctimonial and confess.  There are just times you can tell and there are those times you should not even dare; depends on who you are dealing with actually. I am not saying you make anyone look like a fool but at times you are better off saving someone some embarrassment.

You have been with your partner for a while. You are working on things and it has been great. Either you tried with the friend and it did not work out or you now met his friends after the long wait. But wait a minute; oh look, it is that guy from a few months back and what do you know? You had something. That is not the moment to say you know him. Keep that to yourself. That is public humiliation especially if your man talked you up to his friends. When a man introduces you to his friends it is because he already let them know he is bringing you along. It is not by chance even though he makes it look like that. Act like you have never seen that friend in your life.

The need to know is when you get home and realize that you actually want him to know. How does it play out? If he likes you he will accept it and let the friend know he knows and move on. On the other hand he will play it two ways. Either string you along until he finds someone else who has not slept with his friend or he will just tell you it cannot move past there and you two should go your separate ways.

So it comes down to what do you want? Is his friend discreet? But what do you want; him or you are ready to allow him to walk away.  This is important when you two have something serious because it is all about respect in relationships in my opinion. You do not want to make your partner look or feel like a fool; especially behind his back. If that guy, his friend is not a discreet person, let your partner know what happened because it will eventually get back to him since this other one will be busy making snide jokes.  Guess who is going to pay for it? You; because now he thinks he cannot trust you.

If the friend is discreet you still have to let him know so that the three of you can just clear the air because your partner will still pick on the vibe between the two of you, misinterpret it and still find out. You lose again.

On the other hand if the two are not really close and you three rarely cross paths then let it be. Some things are just better not said.

I have an ‘acquaintance’ that had a boyfriend but met a new guy who was a better prospect. Plot twist; they all sat down together and had drinks at the same local. I tell her you cannot fuck two men and later come sit down at the same table with them. You cannot be giving this one blowjobs and later on be kissing the other one. The prospect was willing to go by her pace; the boyfriend was the clueless one. I had to force her to tell her boyfriend because I knew she was not planning to. It is always better to prevent rather than cure; diseases and all. Two years later; she is with the prospect but at least the boyfriend had the chance to move on and not be made to look stupid.

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Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

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