Should you talk about your ex to our current?
06 March 2015, 17:50
Nairobi - There are a host of reasons why you are advised not to talk
about your past lovers with your current. What may just start out as a talk for
your partner to get to know you better and understand where you are coming from
may become a somewhat chilly conversation with someone either walking out,
sulking or even cutting ties with you.
Maybe it is because you just told them that you cheated,
never tell anyone this one. I am not saying that you lie, but maybe omission
will be better especially if you really like this person and you really want it
to work. The assumption about cheaters is that once a cheat always a cheat,
even though it was a mistake or a one-time thing.
Or maybe you want to tell your partner how you keep breaking
into your former partners’ privacy-old habits die hard. They will always hold
you with caution- at arm’s length. Then there is the one about how many lovers
you have actually had-this is a no brainer, you never say, even if it’s two,
just avoid it. Not ever having dated or not ever had a partner may also catch someone
the wrong way. They will always be wondering what is wrong with you and they
might always be looking out for that moment that you break and reveal the
reason why no one wants to be with you. Even though that may not be the case.
The first thing to keep in mind, is that there is no need
for a tell all. Explicit versions should be kept within, just give them the
headline so that they get the gist of it, if you go into a narration other
things usually crop up and put you on a spotlight. Then there will be the why,
how and what… avoid that.
For example, ‘have you ever had a lover?’ If you are a
woman, you cannot lie that you are a virgin, it is biology and men are not
stupid when it comes to that. Simple answer is yes, no need for him to know how
you were not sure it happened the first time with that guy you fumbled with in
high school. Or you had to break it a second time, with the University
boyfriend, which is a no-no. Yes just works fine and move on.
This one goes for the ladies. Some men, in wanting to know
the freak level of their partner after a few dates, they will tell you about an
ex who did this and that.
A lot of ladies fall into that trap because in your head you
are thinking the both of you are in that comfortable stage in the relationship
and you can open up. You want to show him how fun you can be and how better
than the ex you are. Don’t! If you open your mouth to tell him what that mouth
could do and you did with some man (men)before him, do not be surprised if he
avoids kissing you. If anything, he will never take you seriously especially if
looking for a long-time partner. No man wants a woman where many handymen have been. Keep it all to
yourself and just say you learnt it on google.
If someone asks you to compare them to your past lover.
Someone does not actually want you to tell them a lie. Even if they are the
best, comparisons are the worst. The best answer usually is ,’they do not
matter, you matter as you are my present.’ Case closed.
But at times, some secrets are better kept from your would
be partner. You do not want them to always look at you and be thinking that you
actually did that with a former partner. Look at it this way, in your youth you
had an abortion, you and your ex-beau made a decision. Society frowns upon it,
your partner may be religious or not even religious but it is against their
values. Telling them that you did that will make them always give you a second look? Some people are not as forgiving as they would like
you to think. Give your relationship a chance by starting it on a clean slate.
If on the other hand that decision had lifelong repercussions like making you
barren, then that is something that you should never hide from a partner.
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