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Should the woman lead a relationship?

04 November 2015, 18:46 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - Sadly, when a relationship fails or a marriage goes down the drain, who does everyone look at? The woman! She just had to have done something wrong, the man got tired of her and left her. It can never be the man. Men are amazing and their work is just to be there. It is the woman’s job to ensure her home stays together. Also when the man moves on faster (month or two even before it ended maybe) It goes to prove that he is such a catch, hence the reason why it was definitely the woman. Because she is still single trying to keep it together and no man has come close to her yet. It is definitely her!

Also sadly again; a woman might have accomplished everything in life, school, work, career even business and doing great in life but apparently if she can’t keep or has not been able to keep any man around all those successes means nothing. She has still failed in life because overall success for any woman is only proven when she has been able to keep a man and also have and raise a family. The bad thing and sadder fact is that most women feed into that. They keep it together out there and when you ask them about this they will laugh it off and say they are not one of those but behind closed doors it is a different case. She starts doubting herself and wondering if all she has done was all for nothing. Depression kicks in just because society keeps telling her she is not good enough without a man.

Let me tell you, my mother being the curiously funny human being she is has a list. A list of local female celebrities we grew up watching and have aged over the years in the limelight but have never been able to have a family or have a husband. She says they are her role models because they caught on early in life and she wished she had been as smart. I would mention names but I will not but she admires them greatly for choosing to be single or raising kids on their own. Her mantra is; ‘men are so stressful and such devils. I wish I also knew!’

Your relationship has either broken down or you are going through a divorce as a woman even the friends will ask you, ‘what did you do?’ and never, ‘are you okay?’ The people who are meant to apparently know you are also contributing to making you feel worse like it was your fault rather than just accept your decision. You have two choices; you either pay attention and be miserable or look at it as you letting go of something that was no longer good for you; the happy days to come. It is stressful at first especially if you have children but after you settle in and decide to actually pay attention to yourself, you will be okay.

There is no reason to stick around in a marriage or relationship with someone who is not willing to work with you on it. Every problem you have had, you had to fix it alone or handle it without them. So what is the difference between that and you actually just letting them go and continuing to do what you have always done even while you are with them? The difference is not you have no one with Vito power, so you do not have to be stressed about what they will think whilst they show the least concern.

How can you be in a relationship but be alone? They are never there. Other than the fact you have put titles on each other; they are just never there for you or with so. So why don’t you let them go and actually find someone who is there in the relationship with you.

I always say, people will always talk: you are right, they will have an opinion. You are wrong; they will have an opinion. You are neutral; they will still have an opinion. What you choose to do to your self-esteem with their words is what will determine if you are actually successful in life because it about you and not them. Never dance around in the shadows because you never know what will take you in darkness.

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Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

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