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Should one be too worried about the ex?

02 December 2014, 19:08 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi -  No one has ever picked up one brand of a product and totally been satisfied with it. There was something it was either lacking, a need unmet, an unfulfilled desire, expectations that had to be reduced or something much better was lurking in the vicinity. The same case also applies to relationships. It is the fairytale that has always had happy endings, where after the wedding we are meant to assume everything went perfectly. Snow white never had an ex, neither did Rapunzel or Cinderella.

Back to real life that has never been the case; having the perfect partner who has never been with someone else and everything that goes on in the relationship is like a learning curve for them. No such thing, there are the exes, if you are lucky you may only have to deal with one only but that is if you partner was living in a monastery or a convent; which would also make you a bit suspect of them.

No one is ever comfortable with a partner who has an ex whom they are in constant contact with, because they can be friends just like any other person has friends, right? Exes make you insecure, uncomfortable and can give you borderline jealous tendencies. So is it bad when you ask your partner to cut off communication with them? It is a grey line, the ex might not be a threat but there are also those ones that you just want to be completely cut off. The ones who show up at family events and still act as if they are still part of the family and you are the outsider. The one that makes private jokes with your partner and you may not be able to understand if told.

The thing is, it is not a decision that you or the ex can make, but the connection between the two of you is the one that will help you make the decision on whether that relationship is worth sticking around for. If you are with a partner that makes you feel less, just because the ex is in the vicinity, then that is not someone you should be with. You are not meant to be in a competition with his or her past; but meant to building a future. There should also be boundaries such as late night phone calls and texts that are not even about business or an emergency, you are definitely allowed to draw the line on these as well.

If you feel there is still a level of attraction between them, then move on, because chances are they are just giving each other time to mend broken fences then move back together making you the crutch.

Most people overlook all these because they are afraid of the ensuing disagreement but that is what you should look forward to because their reaction is the only link you need to tell you whether that relationship is worth it and if you come first to you partner.

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Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

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