Should one be too worried about the ex?
02 December 2014, 19:08
Nairobi - No one has ever picked up one brand of a product and totally
been satisfied with it. There was something it was either lacking, a need
unmet, an unfulfilled desire, expectations that had to be reduced or something
much better was lurking in the vicinity. The same case also applies to
relationships. It is the fairytale that has always had happy endings, where
after the wedding we are meant to assume everything went perfectly. Snow white
never had an ex, neither did Rapunzel or Cinderella.
Back to real life that has
never been the case; having the perfect partner who has never been with someone
else and everything that goes on in the relationship is like a learning curve
for them. No such thing, there are the exes, if you are lucky you may only have
to deal with one only but that is if you partner was living in a monastery or a
convent; which would also make you a bit suspect of them.
No one is ever
comfortable with a partner who has an ex whom they are in constant contact
with, because they can be friends just like any other person has friends,
right? Exes make you insecure, uncomfortable and can give you borderline
jealous tendencies. So is it bad when you ask your partner to cut off
communication with them? It is a grey line, the ex might not be a threat but
there are also those ones that you just want to be completely cut off. The ones
who show up at family events and still act as if they are still part of the
family and you are the outsider. The one that makes private jokes with your
partner and you may not be able to understand if told.
The thing is, it is not a decision that you or the ex can
make, but the connection between the two of you is the one that will help you
make the decision on whether that relationship is worth sticking around for. If
you are with a partner that makes you feel less, just because the ex is in the
vicinity, then that is not someone you should be with. You are not meant to be
in a competition with his or her past; but meant to building a future. There should
also be boundaries such as late night phone calls and texts that are not even
about business or an emergency, you are definitely allowed to draw the line on
these as well.
If you feel there is
still a level of attraction between them, then move on, because chances are
they are just giving each other time to mend broken fences then move back
together making you the crutch.
Most people overlook
all these because they are afraid of the ensuing disagreement but that is what
you should look forward to because their reaction is the only link you need to
tell you whether that relationship is worth it and if you come first to you
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