Should he be jealous over male friends?
28 July 2015, 17:35
Nairobi - I do not know, because I am yet to have one of those. What I
have had though is a jealous boyfriend and it was all due to the male friends
that I had.
My relationships are normally guided under ideologies that I
constantly pick up as I go along. If you are not yet my husband, you cannot
tell me what to do. If you are yet to put a ring on it, you cannot dictate
terms to me.
You cannot pick my friends. You cannot cross some boundaries
and you cannot act some type of way unjustly. We are assuming am a reasonable
enough female to know when you are being unreasonable. So you can most
certainly not question me when it comes to the male friends that I have, who
might have even existed longer that you ever did.
On the other hand, I am also reasonable enough to know that
when it comes to a marriage and a relationship that I have with my husband some
of the male relationships may take a blow.
Females, let’s be honest for a minute. Some of these male friends
that we have, yes, they are genuine but when YOU personally say genuine,
genuine to what extent. Genuine in that you grew up together and have been
through a lot together or genuine in that he was the one always on call when
you got in trouble. Genuine in that he mentors you in an impersonal way or
genuine in that you once spent a night together, it did not work so you just
stayed friends. I bet your husband does not know that either. Genuine in that
you do business together or genuine in that he always buys drinks when you go
out or the odd present here and there.
Yes, women can have genuine male friends too but also there
are those men that are in her life that have always just served a purpose. She
does not say it. She will not tell the said male friend and she most certainly
will not tell you as her husband or boyfriend why he is around.
I am also reasonable enough to know that when you get
married, your husband becomes a priority while the friendships you have with
the opposite sex get a drastic make over. Most women never see this though and
that is why some marriages can turn out to be a bit rocky because she still
wants to maintain what is outside. You have to…no, you actually need to
distance yourself to some extent with some of the men that you have in your
life in order not to have a rocky situation later on.
This is when a woman will think her husband is purposely
being nasty and controlling. It is just
that the role that all these men served in your life, now has to be served by
your husband if he is that husband that actually cares and wants to make it
work. You cannot keep the ‘shoulder to cry on Tim’ and tell him all the
intimate details in your life while you shut your husband out. So when you have
a fight with your man, you call ‘Tim’ first and give the husband the silent
treatment. See how redundant that is?
You need to prep yourself for his if you really want to
settle down and have a good relationship with your partner.
All of this is also guided by fair play gentlemen. You
cannot expect all of this and more from your woman or your wife when you also
keep your legion of followers. Everybody
has to give something in order for a certain thing to work in everybody’s
interest. You want her to cool her enthusiasm when it comes to the male
friends, do the same. You want her to come to you and not go them, do the same.
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