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Should he be jealous over male friends?

28 July 2015, 17:35 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - I do not know, because I am yet to have one of those. What I have had though is a jealous boyfriend and it was all due to the male friends that I had.

My relationships are normally guided under ideologies that I constantly pick up as I go along. If you are not yet my husband, you cannot tell me what to do. If you are yet to put a ring on it, you cannot dictate terms to me.

You cannot pick my friends. You cannot cross some boundaries and you cannot act some type of way unjustly. We are assuming am a reasonable enough female to know when you are being unreasonable. So you can most certainly not question me when it comes to the male friends that I have, who might have even existed longer that you ever did.

On the other hand, I am also reasonable enough to know that when it comes to a marriage and a relationship that I have with my husband some of the male relationships may take a blow.

Females, let’s be honest for a minute. Some of these male friends that we have, yes, they are genuine but when YOU personally say genuine, genuine to what extent. Genuine in that you grew up together and have been through a lot together or genuine in that he was the one always on call when you got in trouble. Genuine in that he mentors you in an impersonal way or genuine in that you once spent a night together, it did not work so you just stayed friends. I bet your husband does not know that either. Genuine in that you do business together or genuine in that he always buys drinks when you go out or the odd present here and there.

Yes, women can have genuine male friends too but also there are those men that are in her life that have always just served a purpose. She does not say it. She will not tell the said male friend and she most certainly will not tell you as her husband or boyfriend why he is around.

I am also reasonable enough to know that when you get married, your husband becomes a priority while the friendships you have with the opposite sex get a drastic make over. Most women never see this though and that is why some marriages can turn out to be a bit rocky because she still wants to maintain what is outside. You have to…no, you actually need to distance yourself to some extent with some of the men that you have in your life in order not to have a rocky situation later on.

This is when a woman will think her husband is purposely being nasty and controlling.  It is just that the role that all these men served in your life, now has to be served by your husband if he is that husband that actually cares and wants to make it work. You cannot keep the ‘shoulder to cry on Tim’ and tell him all the intimate details in your life while you shut your husband out. So when you have a fight with your man, you call ‘Tim’ first and give the husband the silent treatment. See how redundant that is?

You need to prep yourself for his if you really want to settle down and have a good relationship with your partner.

All of this is also guided by fair play gentlemen. You cannot expect all of this and more from your woman or your wife when you also keep your legion of followers.  Everybody has to give something in order for a certain thing to work in everybody’s interest. You want her to cool her enthusiasm when it comes to the male friends, do the same. You want her to come to you and not go them, do the same.

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