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Sex: Planning or spontaneity?

22 April 2015, 18:33 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - I do not know either.

Some of these experts confuse me. On minute they tell you not to plan things the next they are telling you to set aside some time where such and such takes place. Sex, date night, we time… all of that. They should make up their minds and give us the right answer. At times we just like being one trick ponies who are just given with no effort on our parts.

But seriously what really works? They say that when it is all set out and planned, it kills the ‘magic’ that comes with surprising your partner. That oomph that we all want when we are with the one.

Failing to plan is planning to fail which in some cases might actually be true. For example a working couple. Not just the working ones but the ones who are also parents. When you are busy running around trying to manage everybody else other than you, you forget about yourself and your partner in most cases.

This is when the planning will actually make it work for you. Knowing that on this day, it is set aside to actually take time and do something with your partner. Pick something that is suffering the most in that relationship. No proper communication, what is going on with your partner, what they are up to? This is when you re-ignite dating. What you used to do before you fell in that rut that is driven by monotony. Set aside a day that instead of rushing home to do what you always do, cooking dinner and watch some soap opera, meet the spouse and just let it be about the two of you without the background bickering that is children falling into something.

Sex is abit trickier and weird to plan. And funny too. Sitting at work thinking that Wednesday is the D-day to get some. That would make me laugh. But if it is what is suffering in a relationship, then set time, day or weekend to make it happen. If the setting at home is that which is not working, then that is what we have hotels for. You just book a one night stay and it re-energizes you and makes you look forward to that pampering, let’s say per week.

On the other hand, there is a reason why we encourage spontaneity. To kill the drag that is monotony. Just imagine how the children, even you would have failed ion school if you had only one teacher teaching all subjects, all day, every day and all year round. The same face. They would all start to sound the same and you would no longer pay attention.

If it is sex, do not be a one trick pony. Saying that you have sex every day, in the same position in the same place is the reason some of you are no longer excited. You need to have that one thing, weekly or monthly that makes a partner look forward to it. Can be role playing, sex positions, or playing out fantasies… can be sex toys-  I do not know! Make it something to look forward to.

If you have not taken your wife on a date for three months, she needs to dump you ASAP! Just because you are not showing her attention does not mean other people are blind. They will want to take her out on a date, she will agree because she misses it and you do not care. When the time comes, blame yourself. Surprise her with a weekend getaway or visit some place. Just take her out of the house.

That is spontaneity for you.

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