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School holidays affect sex

07 April 2015, 13:10 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - Today I woke up and made my husband breakfast in bed. I mean, it was Easter Monday, a perfect holiday that falls on the perfect day. On a Monday. It gives you time to unwind and get off from all the hullabaloo that accompanies the long four day weekend that encompasses Jesus dying and rising for our sins. If you did not get the opportunity to travel, you were lucky enough to experience a Monday spent at home. Sic! Not the holiday part, but me making a husband breakfast in bed. Not that I cannot but you need to remember that Easter falls at that time of the month- when children are also at home. How are you making breakfast and carrying part of it to the bedroom before the kids even smell it from their beds. How are you making a luxurious breakfast that is fuss free and will feed all at the same time without giving you a migraine? It is at this point that you look up and appreciate when the kids are already at school by seven.

It is April, and the children are at home. That just reduces and slashes away all the enjoyment any parent would have gained from any Easter celebration. If you did not know this is when parents have to actually budget more as compared to the December holidays. You have only one month, meaning that as far as the March salary is concerned, it is going to be covering all the expenses that come with April. Aprils salary is for the fees.  That Minister of Education that banned holiday tuition has no idea the disservice he did a lot of Kenyan parents.

When the children are away at school, let me clarify how easy it is for parents. You do not have to figure out how to feed the children because they are at school, you just pay a fee for the whole month. If you were lucky they were in a school that covered it in the first term fees so you were done with that business. The housemaid either had a small portion from last night or there is no maid at all. When the children are at school, you need not worry in where they are and who they are running around with. You have an 80% chance of knowing where they are as compared to when they are at home. You do not have to figure out how to ban some relatives from visiting because your excuse is the kids are at school so no one can host them. Let us be honest, we love relatives but we do not love doubling or even tripling our household expenses. Then, there are those outings that the kids want during the week and they also still want to go for others the whole weekend. Let us not forget about pocket money or is it allowance. I never had money as a kid, the only allowance that I was given, was allowance to eat my parents’ food and live in their house. That was my allowance.

The only good thing that ever comes from children closing school is the easing up of traffic as far as I am concerned. As I am typing these, they will not be in the house, being quiet and doing homework. Worse yet, no one offers to take part in doing house chores so that you can forego paying for the house-help. Dare you try it, you end up going to work and coming in the evening to do the chores yourself. I am dreading that moment that I open the door and there is all form of yelling and running around. When you walk the streets, some just hitting you with some apparatus they are playing with. I am thinking of the times that I have to stand aside so that some children can realize I want to pass. Sometimes I hope someone does not push me to the ground as they are running around.

We can all agree that we love children, but in small doses especially when they are at that age. God forbid, our parliament gets it into their head on enacting some of those stupid laws that Westerners have of children suing parents. So far, the cane has been working fine all this time, how will we survive without it?

I am not a parent. Yet! But wouldn't you agree that I have summarized you predicament admirably?

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