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No two relationships are ever the same

26 January 2015, 16:07 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - Fool me once, you are the fool, but fool me twice then I am the fool. But you cannot really apply that analogy to only one partner you ever had but apply it in the relationships that you do have. You can never look at relationships as regrets but as experiences and lessons learnt. It is only a regret when you are already aware, but you still go in thinking that it will get better. It never does especially when it comes to changing a character and habits.

What is the difference between being too picky with the man you want or are you just being careful choosing who you eventually end up with?

Women are emotional creatures, we are inborn nurturers and caregivers call it the maternal instinct; that is never a bad thing in fact when properly embraced it gives an air of disciplined woman hood. But some of us like to take it too far especially when the past is involved and it involves choosing a potential partner. When a past hurt keeps you from meaningful relationships, instead of helping you realize what you can actually work with instead of throwing away the whole basket.

It is like a bag of produce, you see one bad tomato, logic steps in, and you throw that one away and keep the rest. I am not saying you date a drunkard/ alcoholic/abuser/ addict as long as the rest of the package is good. That is a whole other story.

It is how most of us women overthrow a good man and a relationship that could have been really good long term just because he has that one thing that sets you off. So instead of compromising on that one, you throw away the whole bag. It happens all the time, might be the family that are too hard to deal with.

The mother-in-law, it is rarely the fathers-in-law. If not that, then his habit of talking over you, the way he dresses, the way he talks or the table manners that are not so good. As a Kenyan woman, when you sit with some women and here some of the reasons that someone gives you for not being with someone who was clearly into them then you find out; that as much as Disney is just a fairy tale, some of these women are really waiting for Prince charming. Perfect manners, perfect credit, and perfect job, perfect ambition that is already showing, perfect family, and perfect gentleman-it all just has to be perfect.

Obviously we are all trying to avoid that thug that will have us committed along with them. That is okay, but skip over to the everyday things that you have to deal with an more often than not, it can never be a 100% what you want. It is about compromising and knowing what you can deal with and what you can take in small doses: A little of this, less of that, more of this and that-a relationship is a negotiation. It is not an already done deal that you just go into and it is perfect and smooth all the way. Because that is where we all go wrong, waiting for the perfect mister, get drunk on a minute of lust with someone that was never worth it in the first place.

Yet we have a list of demands for that one man who is trying too hard, but what are you really bringing to the table?

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