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No relationship is ever a failure

30 March 2015, 18:39 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi -  It is much easier for a woman to let go of a female friend that has run her course in her life that it is for her to let go of a man that no longer ‘clicks’ with her.

Women like holding onto men. We have that mindset of; ‘I cannot have wasted that many years only for you to put me aside’ or ‘from him to what to next’. In the latter it is even worse because chances are there may be no one else. She starts thinking how she cannot have made that man only for some other woman who is faceless (most times there is a face) to come, take over and enjoy the fruits of her labor.

Yes, you made him. Yes, some other woman is going to come. You might stop it now but if that relationship ran its course leave it otherwise your chasing after more wasted years of a bitter relationship. Just get over it and move on. Why continue wasting more time trying to convince someone that it is you they should be with. It is the man that needs to cherish you, not you cherishing an empty shell of lost make-believe.

This is the reason why I can never look at a past relationship as a regret because I took something out of it. It may be a bad experience but it taught me what I can or cannot take. It might have been a good experience in which case it made me a better person and was part of my growth.

If you came out of a relationship and all that you have are bitterness and kept grudges, then your level of maturity has just taken a hit and you are back to stage one. That is never good.

I was in one relationship, went into it when I was really young. In high school to be precise. Both sides knew that we were getting married. I knew I was getting married. I even had children with names already sorted. You already know it did not work out because we grew. For five long years, you are in University, you shun the rest because in your head you are thinking that is the one. Also in University, you open your eye, your mind and meet people. You learn and experience things differently and it builds you. That was part of my growth. He was older but if you are with a person you react to their experiences. That is part of the person you become.

He reacted to my new growth which was part of spelling the end of the road for us.  I was no longer a ‘Yes’ girl but had an opinion for everything. I wanted to channel myself to new experiences that he did not approve of. The way I looked at things is what the man had chosen, but now I started looking at things differently. As a woman, you are still thinking you can accommodate anything and try to make it work. It did not that relationship had run its course and when I continued to cling that is when things got messy. That is also when you know to let go.

We had both out grown each other. I did not look at his growth as an investment that another woman would enjoy or him doing the same. We both just knew it was time to move on which we did. We had served a purpose in the other person’s life and came out with no regrets.

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