No relationship is ever a failure
30 March 2015, 18:39
Nairobi - It is much easier for a woman to let go of a female friend
that has run her course in her life that it is for her to let go of a man that
no longer ‘clicks’ with her.
Women like holding onto men. We have that mindset of; ‘I cannot
have wasted that many years only for you to put me aside’ or ‘from him to what
to next’. In the latter it is even worse because chances are there may be no
one else. She starts thinking how she cannot have made that man only for some
other woman who is faceless (most times there is a face) to come, take over and
enjoy the fruits of her labor.
Yes, you made him. Yes, some other woman is going to come.
You might stop it now but if that relationship ran its course leave it
otherwise your chasing after more wasted years of a bitter relationship. Just
get over it and move on. Why continue wasting more time trying to convince
someone that it is you they should be with. It is the man that needs to cherish
you, not you cherishing an empty shell of lost make-believe.
This is the reason why I can never look at a past
relationship as a regret because I took something out of it. It may be a bad
experience but it taught me what I can or cannot take. It might have been a
good experience in which case it made me a better person and was part of my
If you came out of a relationship and all that you have are
bitterness and kept grudges, then your level of maturity has just taken a hit
and you are back to stage one. That is never good.
I was in one relationship, went into it when I was really
young. In high school to be precise. Both sides knew that we were getting
married. I knew I was getting married. I even had children with names already
sorted. You already know it did not work out because we grew. For five long
years, you are in University, you shun the rest because in your head you are
thinking that is the one. Also in University, you open your eye, your mind and
meet people. You learn and experience things differently and it builds you. That was part of my growth. He was older but
if you are with a person you react to their experiences. That is part of the
person you become.
He reacted to my new growth which was part of spelling the
end of the road for us. I was no longer
a ‘Yes’ girl but had an opinion for everything. I wanted to channel myself to
new experiences that he did not approve of. The way I looked at things is what
the man had chosen, but now I started looking at things differently. As a
woman, you are still thinking you can accommodate anything and try to make it
work. It did not that relationship had run its course and when I continued to
cling that is when things got messy. That is also when you know to let go.
We had both out grown each other. I did not look at his
growth as an investment that another woman would enjoy or him doing the same. We
both just knew it was time to move on which we did. We had served a purpose in
the other person’s life and came out with no regrets.
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