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My sister went for my husband

18 March 2015, 12:40 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - Family can be toxic and when you are a family of women it gets tricky to navigate in that house without getting in someone’s face. Sometimes I wonder if my family is the anomaly because everyone likes talking about how family matters and you should keep everyone close. From my experience and of what other allies have ever narrated to me that is not always the case. Sometimes water is thicker than blood.


I hear people talking about how sisters are close knit beings that are ever loving, compassionate and whom you should attach to your behind everywhere you go. Wrong! At times it is much better to separate yourself especially if you do not like who you are when you are around them. I am going to give you a piece of what I actually think. That is all hogwash, I will speak for the 1% who actually do not have the perfect friend in a sister. Sisters can covet; they covet your lifestyle, they will covet what you do, who you run around with and they can covet your man. At times sisters are not selfless but selfish. Sisters can be disrespectful. Sisters can also be violent. I have learnt that trusting my sister can be an unwise move on my part in any facet of my life.


I have two, the last born we get along I think partly because we have like an eleven year gap between us. The only drama between us is why I have not bought her airtime. The second born on the other hand is a whole other ball game. When we were children I actually used to think that that was just a phase that she was going through that would eventually run its course. Not the case; if anything the older we grow the more it becomes obvious that she will try to outdo me-which she cannot. We all know how frustrated one can get if they do not get anything. Some internalize, others externalize to those around them. The second born externalizes by being violent and abusive. It usually gets pretty ugly but as I come of age I realize that that relationship is not one that I would care to nurture.


I was listening to radio in a matatu recently and a woman called in to talk about how she moved in with the sister and ended up in bed with the husband to her sister. First of all how do you just end up on a bed? Everything is usually premeditated. To make matters worse she has a child from the man and the sister is still in the dark. As far-fetched as it may sound this things usually happen, you are there thinking that you are taking someone out of a bind but they are going behind your back going after what is yours.

Sister wives is not my idea of sharing because the way I look at it, any man that I have to fight for is not worth it. I just let you go but my problem is, me going to get the perfect man and making work easier for her. Just come in and swoop in, that is what I have a problem with.


You hear about sisters coming to live with a sister to help her manage her household or take care of her children. I know for a fact I would rather bring a stranger in my house rather than be played by my own family. When a stranger plays you, you get over it but when it is family it hurts and you carry it with you. Prevention is better than cure I say, because I am not about to be played by that girl and I can assure you; if it is good she will go after it. You learn a lot about a person from the little things that they do and it gives you a red light- a warning of sorts.If you are too stupid to not see that sign then you have no one else to blame when it all goes wrong for you.


To cap this off, I will tell you about the time my mother’s sister came to stay with us. You already can tell it did not turn out well. My aunt had just separated from her husband and was starting to rebuild her life. So she moves in we were happy because my aunt is a doer, so no chores for us. I like my nails and time off from washing utensils works for me. A relationship that thrived from distance turned sour because of how my aunt behaved around the husband. I can still remember a phrase my mother kept saying, ’Amemwacha wake ndipo akujie wangu’. It was hilarious because my mum is funny when she is on a rant. My aunt would rush to always serve my father she would beat us the daughters to it. If he wanted something cooked she would tell us not to do it and offer to do it instead and the worst of all she never respected my parents’ bedroom; going in and out without preliminaries. We know how African culture works, even the children cannot enter until they ask for permission to do so. My aunt had been planning to extend her stay but my mother sat her down and made her get a house because the situation was getting out of hand.

That is sisters for you, at times closeness is never the answer, but distance works better. That is what the 1% of us have to deal with. Sometimes I wish I just had brothers instead.

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