My relationship resolution for 2015 is....
05 January 2015, 15:26
Nairobi - I am about to preach and the verse comes from Proverbs 4:23, ‘Above all else, guard your heart, for everything flows from it’. Simple words yet straight to the point, you do not need further translation.
Most of us women need to learn how to guard our hearts. I am not saying you become a heartless psychopath but it’s simply about the relationships and attachments that us women like to form.
Waiting never works. Patience is good but it revolves around having the right logic behind it as well as reasoning.
Look at it this way, I will assume that most of us Kenyans have gone through the ‘tarmacking’ process. If you have never, then good for you, but when you are actively in the job market, you are always looking for the job that will at least satisfy you and when you get it, you are still going to put yourself out there and look for the best each and every time. No matter how many rejections you get, you just put yourself out there and do not allow yourself to be drained. I am talking to and about us women, it applies to men too but I am about to angle it towards relationships.
What I always fail to understand is a woman whom a man has clearly told no to but she clings onto this idea that men rarely know what they want and if she just waits long enough, he will see the jewel that she truly is and forsake all the others especially that bad seed Rachel who is a drunkard/ dirty/ puts too much make-up on or a slut. He has said no, but it never gets through to you that he just does not want you, yet when you go for that job interview and you did not make the cut, you keep looking. So what is the divide when it comes to relationships that makes a woman’s reasoning faulty but never affects all other facets of her life? Desperation, envy, indecision, anxiety, panic modes- it all applies to most of us women when we are in our twenties. Our mothers married and gave birth to us in their twenties, and they expect the same of us. That is not bad, what is bad is when you go after men in an act of desperation and cling on to make believe.
I have always said that men believe it or not usually know what they want, they tell you but for some reason most of us choose to overlook it because we are taught to think that we are from different worlds and we can always lead them by the tail. Might be true for some, even most cases especially if you like your men weak-willed but it does not apply to all and the worst thing a woman can do to herself is allow herself to give, give and keep on giving for years until she has nothing of herself to give anymore creating a dependency for something that is just bad for you. Then after it is all said and done you sit down and bawl your eyes out because he was a jerk. What a man takes from you is what you freely give. You are the one who decides what kind of men you open your doors to.
If you want a man that has made it and treats you right, make yourself right and step out of your comfort zone, take a risk and at times be the one that asks for the number. He might reject you but there is always the next one. Because most of those that are at the top tier have already made it and do not have to make the effort, women do fall on their laps so to speak. Do not cheat yourself that if you grind hard enough to that psycho behind you, he will have a jealous fit and come seek you out, chances are he will think you lack standards. So go take a number, the next move is his, if he does not make a move, well his lose and not yours. If you give the number to the psycho behind you, manhandling you on the dance floor then it is you who opened the door for him.
Just check your phone right now and see how many of those you have, whom have never taken you on a date, bought you a meal or even just asked you about your day. Yet you are at his house with all you energy, cooking and cleaning, being the part time wife when he never asked you. But you are waiting. Even God has warned you about how you treat your heart so do not be angry when no lightning strikes him down when he passes you with his new fiancée.
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