Marriage works, here's why
13 March 2015, 16:21
Nairobi - You know, when I watch a lot of married people I grow very concerned about that state. Not for them (because you decide your own fate) but for myself. People who would once have light and fun conversations with each other can only afford a frown for their spouse. Sometimes I might be in a car with a couple and the only comment that is passed between them is, ‘pass me the paper’, as they proceed to lose themselves in it for the whole drive. Makes for an uncomfortable ride for the rest of us because now we also have to keep quiet so that things are not awkward. You see a couple that once enjoyed each other’s company not want to even see each other because they just fell out along the way.
I worry for myself because that is practically living like strangers in a home. I know enough couples who do not even share a room, it is good to have your own space. It is only bad when it develops into a state where you need to make an appointment to discuss important issues with someone. One minute, people love each other, the next they cannot even stand the sight of each other. The only things the two of you are doing together are clearing bills and allocating school days to each other. For me that is just a sad state to live in. Marriage is about much more than the ceremony and having children. It is about partnership and companionship. How will you claim someone is your partner when you are not even sure what their plans are? Even in business, partners share; that should tell you about the sad state that a lot of marriages in Kenya are in.
People, let me amend to women, are choosing to separate because once the children are out of the picture it suddenly hits you that the two of you are now in the house alone. The children are either now at school or moving out. I have the case of two ladies. They are now both financially stable. I should mention at this point that, it is true that when a woman has money she becomes a different person and most of the time it is never in a good way to the husband.
The first woman has been married for over 20 years, it is now the last born that needs any financial support. Recently, her business picked up and it was very lucrative. The husband on the other hand has fallen on hard times but is trying. So the lady has now realized that he is no longer of any importance in her life thus kicking him out. The man has now house to speak off, the last house they built together he put money in it but was in her name. So when she sold it, she got the money and since she has built something new she does not want him to come with it. The guy has to relocate to the rural areas. He deals in government contracts and you know how those can at times pay- when they feel like it.
Their marriage got into such a bad state of separation over the last twenty years that she now does not care about the man that may have once been a friend, a confidant or a business partner. When you are married, it does not mean that you have to stop doing the things that mattered to make the other person feel like you chose them.
You need to find the time that the two of you spend alone because children take over and when you stop putting effort it is too late when you realize you no longer know the other person. If it is hard to get together more often, take a vacation and go without the children. If that makes you uncomfortable then that should tell you something. If you are worrying about what you will do together or talk about then you are already on a slippery slope.
Have conversation, not about the children but about the other person. Get to know what is happening in their lives, what deals they are working on, what new interests they have. Do not let time get away that at one point you just hear about what your spouse is up to from other people.
You may not have the luxury f a divorce and one day, you will just wake up to a cold empty house having breakfast with someone you recognize but do not really know. That is just too cold for anyone to contemplate. Being married but at the same time lonely.
For the latest on national news, politics, sport, entertainment and more follow us on Twitter and like our Facebook page!
Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.